Tightwad Zhang is unjustly convicted of crime in the Kaifeng court.

36

Song the Fourth Greatly Torments Tightwad Zhang

Our story relates that during the Jin dynasty there lived a man named Shi Chong, courtesy name Jilun. Before he gained fame and fortune, he made a living by plying his small boat up and down the Yangzi River, catching fish with a bow and arrows.

One night, at about the third watch, he heard knocks on the boat and a voice saying, “Jilun! Help!” Shi Chong pushed open the mat door, stuck out his head, and saw that on the sparkling moonlit surface of the water stood an old man.

“What could have happened to make you seek help at this time of the night?” Shi Chong asked.

The old man repeated, “Please help me!”

Shi Chong invited the old man to step into the boat and asked him again what had brought him there.

“I am not a mortal human being,” replied the old man. “I am the old Dragon King of the upper course of the river. Old and weak as I am, I have been challenged to fight by the young dragon of the lower course of the river who takes advantage of my age. I have lost to him so often that I don’t even have a place to go to. Now he has challenged me to another big fight tomorrow. I will surely be beaten again. That’s why I am here to ask for your help. At noontime tomorrow, please get your bow ready. When you see two fish fighting each other in the river, the one running ahead will be me. The one giving chase will be the young dragon. Please help me by shooting to death the big fish in pursuit. I will certainly repay you handsomely for your great kindness.”

Shi Chong respectfully gave his consent. The old man took leave of him and leaped into the water.

When noon approached the following day, Shi Chong got his bow and arrows ready. When the hour of noon came, behold! Two big fish appeared on the surface of the river, one chasing the other. Shi Chong put his arrow on his bow and, aiming at the one giving chase, shot the arrow right into its belly. The river was dyed red as the big fish died. The wind and the storm subsided and nothing else happened. At the third watch of the night, the old man came knocking at the boat again, this time to thank him: “It is thanks to your great kindness that I have regained a peaceful life. At noon tomorrow, you may bring your boat to the seventh willow tree on the southern bank at the foot of Mount Jiang¹ and wait for me there. I have a big reward for you.” Having said that, he took himself o .

Shi Chong did as he was told and went by boat to the designated willow tree at the foot of Mount Jiang to wait for the old man. Behold: three ghostly messengers rose to the surface of the water and pushed the boat away. Before long, the boat came back, laden with gold, silver, pearls, and jade. The old man himself also emerged from the water and said to Shi Chong, “Should you want more of these, just come back on an empty boat and wait here for it to be filled.” (Absurd.) He then took his leave and went away.

Thereafter, every time Shi Chong came on his boat to wait by the willow tree, he was given a boatload of treasures, and thus he accumulated enough wealth to match that of the whole empire. He used his treasures to buy the favor of the powerful and received repeated promotions until he became a grand commandant. Now he had both wealth and position. He bought a big house in the city and built behind it Gold Valley Garden, with pavilions, terraces, towers, and halls. With thirty pecks of large gleaming pearls, he bought a concubine named Green Pearl. With a host of other concubines, waiting women, and maids, he wallowed in pleasures day and night. He cultivated the friendship of court officials and the emperor’s kith and kin. His wealth was such that he was able to erect on his estate a brocade wall over ten li in length. Indeed, he enjoyed luxury matchless in heaven and on earth.

One day, he laid out a feast in honor of Wang Kai, brother of the empress. No other guests were invited. When the two men were well warmed with wine, Shi Chong called forth Green Pearl to ply the guest with more wine. The sight of her beauty threw Wang Kai into raptures. His lust was stirred. After the feast was over, Wang Kai said his thanks and returned home, regretting the lack of a chance to fulfill his desire for Green Pearl. As a matter of fact, Wang Kai already harbored evil designs against Shi Chong because the latter always beat him in their frequent games of showing o their collections of treasures. He had not yet found an excuse to do anything, since Shi Chong never failed to treat him with the utmost hospitality.

One day, the empress invited Wang Kai to dinner in her private quarters in the palace. Once in his sister’s presence, Wang Kai wept and said, “In this city there is an immensely rich man who has an unlimited collection of the most exquisite treasures. He often invites me to dinner to compare our precious possessions, but even one or two of his items are worth more than a hundred of mine. Please take pity on me, sister, and lend me something extraordinary from your treasury so as to let me beat him and win back some honor.”

Thus appealed to, the empress ordered the eunuch in charge of the imperial treasury to get Wang Kai the most prized possession of the palace— a big coral tree standing three feet eight inches high. Without reporting the matter to the emperor, she had some men carry it over to Wang Kai’s residence. Wang Kai thanked his sister and returned home, where he had the coral tree covered with layers of Sichuan brocade.

The following day, he had the coral tree carried into an empty pavilion in Gold Valley Garden before inviting Shi Chong to a sumptuous feast there. When half tipsy with wine, Wang Kai said, “I have a treasure to show you. Please don’t laugh.”

Shi Chong asked to have the brocade cover taken o , looked at the coral tree with a smile, and, with a swing of his cane, smashed it to smithereens.

Wang Kai was appalled. “This is the most prized piece in the imperial treasury,” he moaned. “How could you destroy it out of spite just because you can’t beat me this time? What’s to be done now?”

Shi replied with a hearty laugh, “Don’t you worry, brother of the empress! You haven’t seen the best there is.” Thereupon he took Wang Kai to a rear garden, where there stood more than thirty coral trees of various sizes, with some as tall as seven to eight feet. One that was three feet eight inches tall, the same height as Wang Kai’s, was presented to Wang Kai for him to return to the treasury. A taller and larger one was given to him as a gift. In shame, Wang Kai took his departure, consumed with jealousy at the thought that even the imperial treasury was no match for Shi Chong’s wealth. He devised a wicked plan.

One day, in an audience with the emperor, Wang Kai said, “There is in this city an immensely rich man named Shi Chong who holds the post of grand commandant. With more wealth than there is in the whole empire, he lives in greater luxury than Your Majesty. If he is not removed as soon as possible, I am afraid something untoward might happen.”

The emperor agreed and issued a verbal decree for the imperial guards to arrest Commandant Shi Chong and throw him into prison. All of his possessions were confiscated. Determined to have Green Pearl as a concubine, Wang Kai ordered soldiers to surround the house and seize her. Green Pearl, in the meantime, thought to herself, “My husband’s life is in danger because of this man’s false accusations. Now that he is after me, how can I ever submit? I’d rather die than su er such humiliation!” She threw herself down the belvedere into Gold Valley Garden. How pitiable!

Wang Kai flew into a rage upon hearing this and had Shi Chong executed in the marketplace. Before the execution, Shi said with a sigh, “It’s all because you people are jealous of my wealth.”

The executioner replied, “Since you knew that too much money would bring you trouble, why didn’t you give it away before it was too late?” (This executioner is a wise man.)

At a loss for an answer, Shi stretched out his neck for the axe. Hu Zeng² wrote a poem that says,

What I related above is about how Shi Chong showed o his wealth and his beautiful concubine, incurred the animosity of Wang Kai, brother of the empress, and brought disaster upon himself. I shall now tell of another rich man, who kept a low profile and did nothing to stir up trouble. However, a lingering trait of miserliness brought on some extraordinary events that have come to serve as the material for an entertaining story. What, you may ask, is the name of the rich man? Well, as I was going to say, he was called Zhang Fu [Wealth], addressed as Squire Zhang, who lived in Kaifeng, the Eastern Capital, and was owner of a pawnshop that he had inherited from his ancestors. This Squire Zhang had one weakness, which was a propensity to

His four major wishes in life were

He was indeed a skinflint who hated to part with a single penny. If he picked up a penny from the ground, he would rub it until it shone like a mirror, knead it into the shape of a chime-stone, take nips from it so it looked like a saw, call it “my baby,” kiss it, and put it in his bag. His miserliness won him the nickname Tightwad Zhang.

One day around noontime, the squire was in the back of his shop, eating a bowl of cold cooked rice soaked in hot water while his two managers counted money by the front door. There appeared a man wearing nothing over his much tatooed upper body. He had on trousers of white gauze tied up around his waist. A bamboo ladle in hand, he peeped into the house and made a deep bow, saying, “Please spare some change for this beggar.” The squire not being within view, one of the managers tossed two pennies into the ladle, an act that happened to have been witnessed by Squire Zhang from behind the portiere. Out he came and said, “A fine thing you did, manager! Why did you have to give him two pennies? Tw o pennies a day means two whole strings in a thousand days!” In great strides, he rushed forward, caught up with the man with the ladle and, with a single swipe of his hand, emptied all the coins in the ladle onto the shop’s pile of cash. He then had his men beat up the beggar. (How could he!) Even passersby were incensed at the sight. The man with the ladle took the blows without daring to protest. He just stood at the door, pointing with his finger and mouthing some angry words.

A man said loudly, “Brother, come over here. I have something to tell you.”

The beggar looked around and saw that it was an old man dressed like a prison warden. After an exchange of greetings, the old man said, “Brother, this Tightwad Zhang is a man who doesn’t listen to reason. Don’t even bother to argue with him. Here are two taels of silver. Even if you sell turnips at only one penny a piece, you’ll at least be a businessman.” With the silver, the man made a bow and went away, but, of him, no more for the time being.

The old man was a native of Fengning District in Zhengzhou. Being the fourth son of the Song family, he was called Song the Fourth, an idler without a proper occupation.

On Gold Beam Bridge around the third watch of the night, he bought, for four pennies, two fried buns with vegetable filling, tucked them inside his shirt, and walked over to Tightwad Zhang’s door. There being no other pedestrians in the moonless night, he took out a strange-looking object, hooked it up to the eaves, climbed up onto the roof, and jumped down into the yard, which was flanked on both sides by rows of chambers. As he drew near a lit window on one side, he heard a woman’s voice saying, “It’s so late now, but Third Brother still hasn’t shown up.”

Song said to himself, “Oh, this woman must be having an illicit a air.” He looked at the woman and saw that she had

Song walked up to her and covered her face with his sleeves. “Third Brother,” said the woman, “why scare me like that?” With a quick movement, Song held her tight by the waist and took out his knife, saying, “Be quiet. If you raise your voice, I’ll kill you!”

Trembling all over, the woman said, “Please spare my life.”

“Young woman,” said Song, “I am a burglar. Let me ask you something. How many traps are there from here to the storehouse?”

“About ten steps from my room, there’s a pit watched over by two ferocious dogs. Pass that and you’ll come across five guards drinking and gambling. Each of them will be on duty for one watch. When you enter the storehouse, you’ll see a paper man with a silver ball in his hand and a trap underneath. If you step on the trap, the silver ball will drop and roll along a groove all the way to the squire’s bed to wake him up so that he can have you arrested.”

“So that’s how it is,” said Song. “Young woman, who’s that coming up behind you?”

Without realizing that it was a trick, the woman turned around, only to be cut down from the shoulder by Song with his knife. With blood spurting, she fell down dead. Song left the room and, after about ten steps, kept to the west side of the path, passing the pit. As he did so, he heard two dogs barking. He took out the buns, added a drug to them, and, upon drawing nearer, tossed them to the dogs. The buns smelled so delicious that the dogs gobbled them up and soon collapsed to the ground. Song went further ahead and heard five or six people noisily engaged in a game of dice-throwing. He took out a small container from his bosom, put in some mischievous stu , and lit it with a flintstone, producing an aroma that assailed the nostrils. The five men exclaimed, “What a nice smell! The squire is always burning incense, day and night.” While busily sniffing the aroma this way and that, they tumbled head over heels, one after another. In a trice, all five men lost consciousness. Song the Fourth walked up to them and finished what was left of the wine and food. Their eyes wide open, the five men lay there, unable to utter a sound.

He then went up to the storehouse and saw on the door an arm-length triple padlock. He took out from his bosom a skeleton key called “open-all” that could be applied to all locks, big or small. With one turn, he opened the padlock and entered the storehouse. At the sight of the paper man holding a silver ball, he took away the ball and threaded his way through many a trap before he found some valuables of the finest quality worth fifty thousand strings of cash. After wrapping them up into one package, he took out a brush-pen and, moistening it with his saliva, wrote a quatrain on the wall:

Having written the quatrain on the wall, he made his way out without even bothering to close the door of the storehouse. “The Eastern Capital may be a nice place,” he thought to himself, “but it’s not where I should linger for too long.” That very night, he set out on a journey back to Zhengzhou.

Now, let us come back to Squire Zhang’s house. When the five guards woke up at the break of day, they found the door of the storehouse open, the two dogs dead of poison, and a woman murdered. Upon their report, the squire informed the authorities, whereupon Magistrate Teng sent Inspector Wang Zun to track down the thief. At the sight of the quatrain on the wall, one of the more experienced runners, a certain Zhou Xuan the Fifth, said to the inspector, “Sir, this is the work of Song the Fourth.”

“How do you know? asked Inspector Wang.

“In the first line, ‘A carefree wanderer from Song,’ there is the word ‘Song.’ In the second line, ‘Leaves his marks over the four seas,’ there is the word ‘four.’ In the third line, ‘His name has been carved on memorials of fame,’ there is ‘has been,’ and in the last line, ‘His fame spreads far and wide, here and everywhere,’ there is the word ‘here.’ Strung together, they form the sentence ‘Song the Fourth has been here.’”

Inspector Wang said, “I have long heard that there is a most skilled thief called Song the Fourth, a native of Zhengzhou. This must be him.” Consequently, Zhou the Fifth, Zhou Xuan, was ordered to take some runners with him to Zhengzhou to arrest Song the Fourth.

Eating when hungry, drinking when thirsty, resting by night, and o again next dawn, in due time they arrived in Zhengzhou, where they asked their way to Song’s house. They stepped into the little shop in front of his house for some tea, and an old man went to the stove to make tea for them. The visitors said, “Why don’t you also invite Song the Fourth out to have a cup of tea with us?”

“The master is in bed not feeling well,” said the old man. “Let me go in and give him the message.”

With the old man gone, Song was heard to yell from inside, “When this headache of mine first came on, I told you to buy me three pennies’ worth of porridge, but you refused. I’m spending all this money every day on you without getting anything in return. What good are you?” With that, he gave the old man a few loud slaps.

Soon the old man reappeared, carrying a porridge bowl in his hand, and said, “Please wait a little while. The master wants me to go and buy some porridge. He’ll be coming out after he eats it.”

The visitors waited for what seemed like an eternity, but neither the old man nor Song the Fourth showed up. Their patience exhausted, the men went into the inner chambers and saw an old man all trussed up. Taking him to be Song the Fourth, the men came over to arrest him, but the old man said, “I am Mr. Song’s servant. The one who went out with a bowl to buy porridge is Mr. Song.”

Much taken aback, the men said with a sigh, “What a cunning man! Slipping through our hands like that when we weren’t looking closely enough!” They had no choice but to run out after him, but since he was already far beyond their reach by this time, they had to split up and go separately to track him down. But of them, for the time being, no more.

What had happened was that when Song listened from his room, he detected the runners’ Eastern Capital accent when they were talking over their tea. He took a peek and saw that they looked like men from the yamen. Growing apprehensive, he deliberately started shouting abuses and complaints. He then exchanged clothes with the old servant and walked out, with his head lowered, pretending to be on an errand to buy porridge. The men did not suspect a thing.

Once out of the house, Song thought to himself, “Now, where should I go? I do have an apprentice, Zhao Zheng, a native of Pingjiang Prefecture, who is now in Mo County, as he said in his last letter. Why don’t I go to him for help?” He changed his clothes and made himself look like a prison warden. Covering up his face with a fan, he feigned blindness and slowly made his way to Mo County. As he drew near the county border, there came into view a small wineshop. Behold:

Feeling the pangs of hunger, Song stepped into the wineshop and placed an order for wine. The waiter served the wine, and Song was into his third cup when a handsome young man entered the wineshop. What was the newcomer wearing?

When the young man said, “Greetings to you, sir,” Song raised his head and saw that it was none other than his apprentice Zhao Zheng. As he thought it best not to make their relationship known to people around them, Song said simply in reply, “Please take a seat.” Zhao Zheng did so, and after they had expressed polite concern for each other, he had the waiter bring another wine cup. After a drink, Zhao Zheng said in a lowered voice, “I haven’t heard from you for a long time, my master.”

“Second Brother,” said Song, “how’s your business going?”

“Business does come my way, but I have spent everything I made on pleasures of all sorts. I heard that you went to the Eastern Capital and had quite a windfall.”

“Nothing much, just forty to fifty thousand in cash.” He then asked Zhao Zheng, “Where are you planning to go, Second Brother?”

“I was thinking of going to the Eastern Capital to tour the city so that I have something to brag about when I get back to Pingjiang.”

“You can’t go, Second Brother.”

“Why not?”

“For three reasons. First, you are from western Zhejiang. You know little about the Eastern Capital, and few in our profession there know you. Who are you going to turn to for help? Second, the outer wall of the Eastern Capital, one hundred eighty li in length, is known as Bu alo Wall, and we in our line of business are known as ‘bandits in the grass.’ As the proverb says, ‘Once in the bu alo’s mouth, the grass won’t have long to live.’ Third, in the Eastern Capital, there are five thousand sharp-eyed and swift-handed government runners and three hundred inspectors.”

“None of these three things scares me,” said Zhao Zheng. “Don’t you worry, Master. I don’t get caught easily.”

“If you ignore what I say and insist on going, let’s strike a deal. I have a package of valuables from Tightwad Zhang. I will now go back to my inn and put the package next to my pillow. If you can steal it from me, you may go to the Eastern Capital as you wish.”

“Agreed!” said Zhao Zheng.

Having thus settled on the deal, Song paid the bill and returned with Zhao Zheng to his inn. The clerk greeted him and his friend, and the two men went into Song’s room, where Zhao Zheng took a look around, said good-bye, and went o . Evening set in. Behold:

Seeing that the evening was advanced, Song thought to himself, “Zhao Zheng is a master of the game. Being his teacher, I would become a laughing stock if I end up losing the package to him. I’d better get to bed early.”

Afraid that Zhao Zheng might sneak in on him while he was asleep, he put the package by his head and lay down. There came into his hearing some squeaking sounds from the rafters. “How strange!” he said to himself. “It’s not even the first watch yet, and the mice are already out to do their mischief.” As he raised his head and looked up at the beams, some dust fell. He sneezed a couple of times. The mice quieted down, but a moment later two cats were heard meowing and fighting each other. A stream of urine trickled down into his mouth. What a foul smell! Gradually, he felt himself succumb to drowsiness and fell asleep.

When he rose at the break of day, the package of valuables was nowhere to be seen. He was at a loss what to do when the inn clerk came in to say, “Sir, the gentleman who came with you last night is here to see you.”

Song stepped out and, sure enough, it was Zhao Zheng. After an exchange of greetings, Song invited him in and closed the door. Zhao Zheng took out a package from his bosom and handed it to him. “My brother,” said Song, “let me ask you something. Neither the door nor the windows have been touched. How did you manage to get the package?”

“I won’t keep anything from you,” said Zhao Zheng. “As a matter of fact, the blackened barred windows by your bed are covered with rice paper. First, I climbed onto the roof and imitated mice squeaking. The dustlike stu that fell from the roof into your eyes and nose and made you sneeze was a drug. The cat urine actually came from me.”

“You swine! You didn’t have to do that!”

Zhao Zheng continued, “Then I made my way to your window, peeled o the paper, removed two bars with my small saw, and sidled my way in. I got to your bed, stole the package, climbed out through the window, nailed the bars back into place, and replaced the paper, leaving no trace at all.”

“All right! All right!” said Song. “You may have done it this time, but that doesn’t mean you are a true master. If you can get the package from me again tonight, I’ll believe you can really do it.”

“All right. That’s easy.” Zhao Zheng returned the package to Song and said, “My master, I’m going now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With a fling of his arms, he went o .

Without saying anything out loud, Song thought to himself, “Zhao Zheng is better at this game than me. If he gets the package again, I’ll look even worse. I’d better get out of here!” He called the clerk and said to him, “I am leaving. Here’s two hundred in cash. Please use a hundred of it to buy me some roast pork well seasoned with extra salt and pepper, fifty of it to buy me some steamed pancakes, and keep the remaining fifty to buy yourself a drink.”

The clerk thanked him, went downtown, and bought the roast pork and steamed pancakes. On his way back, a man called out to him from a teahouse about ten houses away from the inn, “Hello! Where are you going?”

The clerk raised his eyes and saw that it was Song’s friend. “Mr. Song is leaving, and he asked me to buy some roast pork and steamed pancakes.”

“Show me,” said Zhao Zheng. He opened the packet wrapped up in lotus leaves and asked, “How much did you pay for the roast pork?”

“One hundred in cash.”

Zhao Zheng took out two hundred in cash and said, “Brother, leave the stu here. Here’s another two hundred. Please buy me the same things, and keep the remaining fifty to buy yourself a drink.”

“Thank you, sir.” The clerk went o and came back some moments later with the food. Zhao Zheng said, “Please be kind enough to wrap up the pork again for Mr. Song. When you see him, tell him from me to be on his guard tonight.” The clerk promised and went on his way.

When he reached the inn, he handed the meat and the pancakes to Song. “Thank you very much for all the trouble,” said Song.

“The gentleman who came this morning,” said the clerk, “asked me to tell you to be on your guard tonight.”

Having gathered together his baggage and paid his bill, Song left the inn, carrying his bedding on his back and the package of Squire Zhang’s valuables in his hand. More than a li later, he took the road leading to Bajiao Town, to the southwest of Kaifeng. At the ferry, while waiting in vain for the ferryboat, which was in view by the opposite shore, he felt hungry and sat down on the ground, putting the package of valuables in front of him. He opened the packet with the roast pork and pancakes, split open a steamed pancake, dipped four or five pieces of the fatty pork deep in the pepper and salt, and rolled them up in the pancake. But hardly had he chewed two mouthfuls before the sky and earth changed places and he collapsed to the ground. A man dressed like a runner came up to him and, before his wide-open eyes, took away the package of valuables. As any attempt to cry out or to run after the man was beyond him, Song had to watch him cross the river with the package.

Upon regaining the use of his limbs after a considerable while, Song thought to himself, “Who was that runner who took away my package? There must have been something funny about the roast pork that the inn clerk bought for me!” Swallowing the humiliation, Song called the ferryboat over, crossed the river, and went ashore, all the while wondering where he was to go to look for the man. Hungry and thirsty and in low spirits, he saw a village wineshop ahead of him:

Song the Fourth went into the wineshop for some wine to drown his sorrows with. The waiter said, “Yes, sir!” to his request and brought him wine. He drank in moody silence and was into his third cup when he saw a woman come in from outside.

Having entered the wineshop, the woman bowed in greeting to Song and started singing a song, clapping her hands to the rhythm. Upon a closer look, Song found her face slightly familiar. Assuming that she was a singing-girl making a living in wineshops, he asked her to sit down. The woman accordingly took a seat by his side, had another wine cup brought to her, and downed one cupful. Song gave her a hug, a pinch, and a few pats. Saying, “Sweetheart!” he reached for her breasts but found none. Then he reached down to touch her private parts but felt only a dangling member. “Damn!” said he. “Who are you, anyway?” (Song the Fourth is not a decent fellow, either.)

The one in woman’s attire replied with composure, arms akimbo, “Sir, I am not a prostitute singing in wineshops for a living. I am Zhao Zheng from Suzhou in Pingjiang Prefecture.”

“What a crafty scoundrel! I am your teacher, and you made me touch that thing of yours! So the runner was you.”

“Yes, it was me all right.”

“My brother, where did you put my package of valuables?”

Zhao Zheng called out to the waiter, “Give back to Mr. Song the package that I deposited with you.”

The waiter brought the package over. Song took it and asked, “My brother, how did you do it?”

“I was sitting in a teahouse a few doors away from the inn when I saw the inn clerk walk by with a package of roast pork. I asked to look at it and made him buy another package for me. I put a drug in the pork, wrapped it up again, and had him take it to you. I disguised myself as a runner and followed you until you fell. Then I got hold of the package and came here to wait for you.”

“What a true master you are! You are ready for the Eastern Capital.”

After paying the bill, the two men went out of the wineshop together. In a deserted place, Zhao Zheng took o the flowers, washed his face in a stream, and changed back into male attire complete with a blue gauze cap.

“Now that you are going to the capital, I’ll give you a letter of introduction to another apprentice of mine. He lives by the Bian River and makes a living by selling buns with fillings of human flesh. His name is Hou Xing. Being the second child of the family, he is known as Second Brother Hou.”

“Thank you, master,” said Zhao Zheng. In a teahouse farther down the road, Song wrote the letter and gave Zhao Zheng some words of advice before they parted company. Song remained in Mo County.

That night, Zhao Zheng went to an inn to spend the night. When he opened Song’s letter, he saw that it read,

Zhao Zheng was so shocked that his tongue hung out and refused to be drawn back in. “Another man in a similar situation might be frightened into giving up the trip, but I’ll see what they can do to me! I’ll know the right thing to do.” He folded the letter up and sealed it as before.

At daybreak, he left the inn and headed for Bajiao Town. After passing the town, he made his way to Chenliu County via Ban Bridge and continued walking along the Bian River. Around noontime, he saw a bun shop on the bank. A woman in front of the shop with a checkered scarf around her waist shouted, “Please have some buns before you go on, sir!” On the sign at the door was written, “Hou Family Restaurant. The finest buns and pastries.”

Zhao Zheng said to himself, “So this is Hou Xing’s house.” As he stepped in, the woman greeted him and asked, “Refreshments, sir?”

“One moment, please.” So saying, he took down his backpack and revealed a packet of gold and silver hairpins he had picked up along the way, of which some bore elaborate ornaments, some were linked together, and some were undecorated.

The sight of the hairpins stirred up the greed in Hou Xing’s wife. “This client has two to three hundred hairpins!” she said to herself. “I with my human-flesh bun business and my husband with his thefts don’t have as much as that man does. In a few moments when he orders buns, I’ll give him a big dose of the drug, and the hairpins will all be mine.”

“Sister,” said Zhao Zheng, “please bring me five buns.”

“Yes, sir!” said Hou Xing’s wife. She took a dish, put five buns on it, and liberally sprinkled on them some stu from a container on the stove.

Zhao Zheng said to himself, “So that’s the container for the drug.” From his bosom, he took out a packet of medicine and said, “Sister, I need some cold water to help my medicine go down.” When Hou Xing’s wife put half a bowl of water on the table, Zhao Zheng said, “I’ll eat the buns after I take the medicine.” Having taken the medicine, Zhao Zheng used two chopsticks to pry open a bun. He took a look at the filling and said, “Sister, my father said to me, ‘Don’t buy buns from the shop by the Bian River, for they use human flesh for the filling.’ Sister, look! Here’s a piece of fingernail, which means this is a human finger. The many short hairs on that piece of skin mean it’s the private parts.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” shot back Hou Xing’s wife. “What kind of talk is this!”

When Zhao Zheng finished the buns, the woman said in front of the stove, hoping that Zhao Zheng would collapse, “Fall!” But nothing happened. “Sister,” called out Zhao Zheng. “Give me another five.”

Hou Xing’s wife thought to herself, “The dose must have been too small. Let me add more this time.” Zhao Zheng took out another packet and took some more medicine.

“What medicine are your taking, sir?” asked Hou Xing’s wife.

“This is called Cure for a Hundred Illnesses. It’s dispensed by the judicial commissioner of Pingjiang Prefecture. It works well on all women’s ailments, including headaches, pregnancy, childbirth, troubles with the spleen, and gastric pains.”

“Would you please give me a packet?” said Hou Xing’s wife.

Zhao Zheng took out a di erent packet from his bosom and gave her about a hundred tiny pills. She took them all and collapsed in front of the stove. “This woman tried to work on me,” thought Zhao Zheng to himself, “but ended up being tricked by me. Another man would have slipped away, but I’m going to stay.” Defiantly, he loosened his belt and began to look for fleas. (Funny.)

Before long, a man came in, carrying a load. “This must be Hou Xing,” Zhao Zheng thought to himself. “I’ll see what he’s going to do.”

After an exchange of greetings, Hou Xing said, “Have you been served any refreshments, sir?”

“Yes,” said Zhao Zheng.

“Wife!” called out Hou Xing. “Have you settled the bill with the gentleman?” A search for his wife led him to the stove, where he saw her lying on the ground, foaming at the mouth and mumbling none too clearly, “I’ve been drugged.”

“I see,” said Hou Xing. “This woman must have failed to recognize some old hand at the profession and got tricked. It must be the customer outside.” To Zhao Zheng he said, “Sir, my stupid wife failed to recognize a brother in the same profession. Please forgive the o ense.”

“May I ask your name, honorable brother?” said Zhao Zheng.

“I am Hou Xing.”

“I am Zhao Zheng from Suzhou.”

After an exchange of greetings, Hou Xing gave his wife an antidote.

“Brother,” said Zhao Zheng, “Master Song the Fourth has a letter for you.”

After opening it, Hou Xing saw that it was a long letter, at the end of which were the words, “Bump o this man.” Rage seized him. “Even my master was humiliated by him three times. Tonight, I’ll surely finish him o !”

Turning to Zhao Zheng, he said, “I have long heard about your outstanding qualities. How fortunate for me to get to meet you!” He set out wine in honor of the guest. After dinner, he put Zhao Zheng in a guest room; then he and his wife continued to work by the front door.

The o ensive smell in his room started Zhao Zheng on a search. When he came upon a big jar underneath the bed, his groping hand touched a human head. He reached out again and found a hand and a foot. He carried them out the back door, strung them up with a rope, and hung them up on the eaves over the door. Then he closed the door and went back to his room, just in time to overhear the woman say, “Husband, it’s time!”

“Not yet!” admonished Hou Xing. “Let’s wait till he’s more soundly asleep.”

“Husband,” said the woman. “I saw him take out two to three hundred gold and silver hairpins. After we do away with him tonight, I’ll put them all over my head tomorrow to win some applause.”

Zhao Zheng said to himself, “So! They’re indeed out to get me! But that’s all right.”

Hou Xing had a ten-year-old son called Ban’ge, who was in bed, sick with malaria. Zhao Zheng went into his room, carried the boy over to his own bed, covered him up with the quilt, and went out the back door. (Good foresight.) Before long, Hou Xing’s wife, carrying a lamp, and Hou Xing, armed with a big firewood axe, pushed open Zhao Zheng’s door. At the sight of a human figure beneath the quilt, he swung down the axe twice and cut him, quilt and all, into three pieces. As he lifted up the quilt to take a look, he cried out, “Woe is me! It’s our son, Ban’ge!” While the husband and wife were seized with violent fits of weeping, Zhao Zheng shouted from behind the back door, “Why did you have to kill your son for lack of a better thing to do? Zhao Zheng is right here!”

A furious Hou Xing took up the axe and ran after Zhao, but, as he rushed out the back door, he hit his forehead against something, which, when he paused to take a look, turned out to be a human head, a hand, and a foot strung together like decorations on a bamboo pole. Hou Xing told his wife to move them into the house, while he himself continued to charge forward. Seeing that Hou Xing was upon his heels, Zhao threw himself into the stream ahead of him because, being a native of Pingjiang, he was a good swimmer. Hou Xing also jumped into the water. Zhao Zheng’s kicks and strokes in the water got him to the other bank in no time. Hou Xing also knew how to swim but was slower. Zhao reached land first and took o his clothes to wring them dry. And so Hou Xing gave chase from around the fourth watch of the night to a little past the fifth watch over a distance of eleven to twelve li, until they came to a public bathhouse by Shuntian Gate, also known as Xinzhen Gate. Zhao was inside the bathhouse washing his face and drying his clothes by the fire when a man came up, pulled at his legs with both hands, and toppled him over. Seeing it was Hou Xing, Zhao brought up his knees sharply, knocked the latter to the ground, and landed his fists on him.

At this juncture, an old man dressed like a prison warden stepped forward and said, “Cut it out for my sake.” Both men raised their heads and saw that it was none other than their master, Song the Fourth. Each of them called out a respectful greeting and bowed to him. Song said something to reconcile the two and took them to an herb shop for a cup of tea. When Hou Xing told his master about everything that had gone before, Song said, “Don’t bring up the past any more. Tomorrow, Brother Zhao will go to the Eastern Capital to see Wang Xiu, also a man in our line of work. He sells buns with vegetable fillings under Gold Beam Bridge. He is the best roof-walker there is, and is nicknamed Sick Cat. He lives behind Great State Councilor Monastery. On his peddler’s stand, there is a large porcelain jar adorned with gold threads. He loves the jar as much as he does his life because it was made in the kiln of Dingzhou.⁵ Will you be able to steal it?”

“No problem,” said Zhao Zheng. He promised to meet his master at Hou Xing’s place around noon, after the city gate was opened. He then put on a brick-shaped cap tied at the back and his double-belted black satin gown and made his way to Gold Beam Bridge, where he saw an old man behind a stand, on which was a large jar adorned with gold threads.

Zhao Zheng thought to himself, “So this must be Wang Xiu.” He crossed over the bridge, pinched a few grains of red rice in front of a rice shop, picked some leaves from a vegetable stand, and chewed the rice and vegetable in his mouth before he walked up to Wang Xiu’s stand. He took out six pennies to buy two buns and deliberately dropped one penny to the ground. When Wang Xiu bent down to pick up that penny, Zhao Zheng spit the rice and leaves onto Wang’s cap and went o with the buns. He was standing on top of Gold Beam Bridge when a small boy hopped his way along. “Little boy,” said Zhao Zheng. “Here’s five pennies for you. Go tell Mr. Wang, the bun seller, that there is a heap of bug droppings on his cap, but don’t say I told you to say so.”

The boy did as he was told. “Mr. Wang,” he said, “Look what’s on your cap!”

Wang Xiu took o his cap and went into a teahouse to wipe o what he thought were bug droppings. By the time he went back to his stand, he realized that the jar was not there. What happened was that Zhao Zheng had taken advantage of Wang Xiu’s brief absence to snatch away the jar. He then hid it in his sleeves and went straight to Hou Xing’s home.

Song and Hou Xing were agape with astonishment. Zhao said, “I don’t want this thing. I’ll give it back to his wife.”

He returned to his room, changed into an old and tattered cap, a pair of worn hemp shoes, and a ragged shirt, and headed for the rear of the monastery. Upon seeing Wang Xiu’s wife, he called out a greeting and said, “Mr. Wang sent me here to get from you a new cotton shirt, an undershirt, a pair of pants, and new shoes and socks. I have here the gold-threaded jar to prove that I’m telling the truth.”

Without knowing that she was falling into a trap, she took the jar and brought out the clothes for Zhao Zheng. He took them and went again to see Song and Hou, saying, “I exchanged the jar for so many pieces of clothing from his home. Let the three of us go together in a short while to give them back to him and have a laugh. In the meantime, let me put them on and go have some fun.”

Zhao Zheng put on Wang Xiu’s clothes and went to town again, where he toured the Sang Family Pleasure Grounds and had some wine and refreshments before he left the grounds. He was about to cross Gold Beam Bridge when someone called out, “Mr. Zhao!” He turned around and saw that it was his master Song the Fourth and Hou Xing. The three of them crossed the bridge together and saw Wang Xiu selling his buns. Song said, “Mr. Wang, shall we have a cup of tea with you?”

Wang Xiu greeted his teacher and Hou and, looking at Zhao Zheng, asked Song, “Who is this gentleman?” Song was about to tell him when Zhao Zheng dragged him to one side and said, “Don’t give out my name. Just say that I’m a relative of yours. I have a good reason for that.”

Wang Xiu asked again, “What is this gentleman’s name?”

“He’s a relative of mine,” said Song. “I invited him over to tour the capital.”

Believing his story, Wang Xiu deposited his stand with the teahouse, and the four of them went together to a quiet wineshop outside Shuntian Gate. When they got there, the waiter served them wine. After three rounds of drinking, Wang Xiu said, “Master, I’m in bad luck today. I had barely set up my stand when a man came up to buy buns and dropped a penny on the ground. When I bent down to pick up the penny, my cap became soiled by some bug droppings. I went into the teahouse to wipe it clean, but, by the time I returned, my gold-threaded jar was nowhere to be seen. I’ve been feeling wretched the whole day.”

“What an impudent man, whoever it was!” said Song. “But isn’t he something? To be able to pull o tricks like that on you, of all people! Don’t feel bad. Tomorrow when we have time, we’ll help you look for the jar. It’s the only jar of its kind. Whatever happens, we’ll be able to find out its whereabouts. It can’t have just disappeared.” Zhao Zheng, in the meantime, laughed in his sleeves. The foursome continued drinking. It was not until night set in that they parted company in a state of drunkenness.

When Wang Xiu arrived home, his wife asked him, “Brother, did you just tell someone to bring the jar back home?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“But it’s here,” said his wife, bringing it to her husband. “That man also took away some clothing.”

Wang Xiu had no idea who that man could have been, but all of a sudden, he remembered that Song’s relative was wearing clothes that looked like his. Feeling dejected, he poured himself some wine and, putting aside all his worries, drank with his wife until he was tipsy. Having taken o his clothes and gone to bed, he said to his wife, “We haven’t been together for a long time.”

“You are too old for such naughty thoughts!” snapped his wife.

“Haven’t you heard the saying ‘The young can take it easy, but the old burn like fire’?” While so saying, he had already moved over to his wife’s side of the bed and was at it when a bang was heard on the door. What had happened was that Zhao Zheng, seeing the couple drunk, had sneaked in through the door and hid himself under the bed. When he heard them in the act, he flung the chamber pot against the door. Much taken aback, Wang Xiu and his wife took a look and saw a man crawl out from under the bed, carrying a package in his hand. Upon a closer look by the lamplight, Wang Xiu recognized him to be the companion of Song and Hou at the wine table. “What are you doing here?” demanded Wang Xiu.

“Song the Fourth told me to return this package to you.”

Wang took the package and saw that it contained his clothes. “Who are you?” he asked again.

“I am Zhao Zheng from Suzhou, Pingjiang Prefecture.”

“Oh, I have long heard your name.”

Now that they had made their acquaintance, Wang Xiu kept Zhao Zheng for the night.

The following day, Wang Xiu took Zhao Zheng around for a walk. “That large mansion at the foot of White Tiger Bridge,” said Wang Xiu, “is Prince Qian’s residence. There’s a lot to be had!”

“Let’s do something later tonight,” said Zhao.

Wang Xiu agreed.

At around the third watch of the night, Zhao Zheng dug a tunnel to the Qian family storehouse and stole thirty thousand strings of cash and a white jade belt with a veiled design of a coiling dragon. Wang Xiu stood guard outside and escorted him back to his house to hide.

The following day, Prince Qian wrote a letter to Magistrate Teng, who, after reading it, flared into wrath. “How can there be such accursed burglars in the capital!” Then and there, he ordered Inspector Ma Han to arrest the burglar within three days.

Thus ordered, Inspector Ma Han told his men to take turns working around the clock. When passing by Great State Councilor Monastery, he saw a man with a brick-shaped cap tied at the back and a purple shirt. “Shall we have a cup of tea, Inspector?” said the man. The two of them went into the teahouse, where a waiter served them tea. The man in purple took out from his bosom a packet of pine nuts and walnut kernels and put them into the two cups of tea.

“May I ask your name?” inquired the inspector.

“I am Zhao Zheng, the very one who robbed the Qian residence last night.”

At these words, Inspector Ma broke into a sweat, but he had to wait for his men to come and help arrest Zhao. After drinking a cup of tea, heaven and earth changed places, and he collapsed. “The inspector is drunk,” said Zhao Zheng. He caught the inspector from falling and, with a pair of his burglar’s scissors, cut o half of each of the inspector’s sleeves, which he then stu ed into his own sleeves. When paying the bill, he said to the waiter, “I’ll send someone over to attend to the inspector.” With that, he took himself o .

In about the time it took to eat two bowls of rice, the e ect of the drug in Inspector Ma’s stomach wore o . After he came to and did not see Zhao Zheng anywhere in sight, Inspector Ma went back. After a night’s sleep, he followed the magistrate to the morning session at the imperial court. On horseback, the magistrate was about to enter Xuande Gate when a man wearing a black shirt and a hat with curved corners blocked his way. Chanting a respectful greeting, the man said, “Prince Qian has an official letter for you.” Magistrate Teng accepted the letter. After the man had gone with another salute, the magistrate noticed that the buckle on his goldfish waistband had disappeared.

The letter read as follows:

Even more vexed, the magistrate called his own court to order upon returning from the imperial court session, and started to read complaints from citizens who had deposited their letters of complaint in special boxes. When he got to about the tenth one, he noticed that the letter, instead of being written in accordance with any established format, contained only a lyric poem to the tune of “The Moon over the West River”:

The magistrate said, “This again is the work of the artful Zhao Zheng.” He summoned Inspector Ma Han for a progress report.

“I saw that thief Zhao Zheng face to face yesterday,” said Ma Han, “but I let him get away because I didn’t recognize him. He is truly a master in his line of work. I have learned that he was an apprentice of Song the Fourth of Zhengzhou. If we can get hold of Song, we can get Zhao as well.”

Magistrate Teng suddenly remembered that Song was still at large after his burglary of Squire Zhang’s storehouse. He summoned Officer Wang Zun and told him to help Ma Han arrest both criminals.

Officer Wang said, “The criminals being very elusive, I wish we could be given more time. If the authorities could announce a reward and put up posters, those greedy for the money would come forward with information, and the case could be easily solved.”

Magistrate Teng accordingly gave them one month and, following the inspector’s advice, wrote a poster promising a thousand strings of cash from the authorities for anyone with information about the stolen goods. Equipped with the poster, Ma Han and Wang Zun headed straight for the Qian residence and requested that Prince Qian match the reward by another thousand strings, and so the prince did. Then the two men went to Tightwad Zhang to make the same request. Having already lost valuables worth fifty-thousand strings of cash, Squire Zhang was not to be persuaded.

“Please don’t try to save a little only to lose a lot,” said the inspectors. “If the burglar is caught, you’ll get all your stolen goods back. The magistrate has promised a reward for your sake. Prince Qian also matched it with a thousand strings. If you refuse, the magistrate won’t think much of you.”

Finding himself losing the argument, Squire Zhang also wrote a reward poster, reluctantly pledging five hundred strings. Inspector Ma went to the yamen to put up the posters, and, in the meantime, he made arrangements with Officer Wang to search along di erent routes.

Among the huge crowd of people gathered in front of the prefectural yamen to read the posters was Song the Fourth. He then went to consult Zhao Zheng. “That Wang Zun and Ma Han be cursed!” said Zhao Zheng. “They never had any grudges against us, and yet they had to come up with the idea of increasing the rewards to get us! And damn Squire Zhang! He’s so stingy and thinks us so cheap that he o ers only five hundred strings, when the others o er a thousand! Let’s play some tricks on him to get even.”

Song was also resentful of Officer Wang for having led men to arrest him and of Inspector Ma for having found out that Zhao Zheng used to be his apprentice. The two of them put their heads together and decided upon a plan. With one accord, they exclaimed, “What a wonderful plan it is!” Zhao gave Song the white jade belt that he had stolen from the Qian residence, and Song gave Zhao a few of the more precious items from the package of valuables he had stolen from Tightwad Zhang. The two men then went their separate ways to carry out their plan.

Song had just turned around when he ran into the man with the bamboo ladle who had begged at Squire Zhang’s door. With one grab of his hand, Song dragged the man out Shuntian Gate and all the way to Hou Xing’s house. “I have a favor to ask of you,” he said.

The man with the ladle replied, “What can I do for you, my benefactor? I’ll do whatever you say.”

“I will help you make a thousand strings of cash for you to support your family with.”

The man cried out in astonishment, “What a thought! Such luck is not in my stars.”

“Just do as I say. It’ll be good for you.”

He took out the white jade belt with the veiled designs of a coiling dragon and told Hou Xing to dress himself up as a palace officer, saying, “Take this belt to Tightwad Zhang and pawn it. This belt is priceless, but take no more than three hundred strings of cash, and say to him, ‘I’ll come back to redeem it in three days. If I don’t, you can add two hundred strings and buy it. Keep the belt in the house for the moment, and put it away in a safe place.’”

Thus instructed, Hou Xing went o . Being the greedy man he was, Squire Zhang was elated at the o er of the jade belt plus the prospect of making some money out of it. Without bothering to ask how Hou Xing had come by the jade belt, Squire Zhang paid the three hundred strings. (Misers are invariably a greedy lot, and therefore they bring trouble upon themselves.) After Hou Xing brought the money to Song, the latter made the beggar go to Prince Qian’s door to take down the poster and claim the reward. At word that the stolen item had been found, Prince Qian summoned the beggar for questioning. The man said, “I was on my way to the pawnshop when I saw the manager trying to sell a white jade belt to a traveler from the north at the price of one thousand five hundred taels. I heard that the belt is from your residence. That’s why I’ve come to report the matter.”

Prince Qian dispatched about a hundred guards, who, guided by the beggar, ran to Squire Zhang’s house with the speed of wind. Without pausing to hear any explanations, they searched the storehouse and found the white jade belt. When Squire Zhang came out to defend himself, the guards put a noose around his neck without bothering to listen to him and brought him, along with the two managers of his pawnshop, into the presence of Prince Qian.

The sight of the belt convinced Prince Qian that the informant had told the truth. He thereupon gave the beggar a note, asking the treasurer to give the man the thousand-string cash reward. Then, the prince personally went to Kaifeng in a sedan-chair to see Magistrate Teng, bringing along with him the jade belt as well as Squire Zhang and others for an interrogation. Having failed in his attempt to find the criminals, the magistrate was greatly embarrassed that Prince Qian had beaten him on this, and he lashed out at Squire Zhang, “You reported a burglary at your house to me the other day, listing a great many valuables. I’ve been wondering how a commoner like you could have come into possession of so much wealth. Now I know that you have been enlisting the service of thieves! Out with the truth now! Who stole the belt for you?”

“What I have I inherited from my ancestors. My possessions are no stolen goods. As for this belt, a palace officer brought it to me late yesterday afternoon, and I paid three hundred strings of cash for it.”

The magistrate pursued further, “Didn’t you know that Prince Qian lost a white jade belt with veiled designs of a coiled dragon? Why did you give the man money on the spot without asking him how he had come by it? Where is that palace officer now? You are talking nothing but nonsense!” (Those wearing officials’ gauze caps can say anything.) He ordered prison wardens to flog Zhang Fu and the two managers until their skin was torn, their flesh ripped open, and blood squirted out. Unable to bear the pain any more, Zhang Fu asked to be given three days to find the man who had pawned the belt, adding that he would be willing to plead guilty if he failed. Magistrate Teng was not without apprehensions as to Squire Zhang’s guilt. Therefore, only the two managers were kept behind under guard, whereas Zhang Fu was escorted out by prison wardens but ordered to report back within three days.

His eyes brimming with tears, Zhang Fu went out of the yamen into a wineshop and sat down to treat the guards to wine. The wine cups had barely been raised before an old man entered the wineshop at a leisurely pace and asked, “Which one of you is Squire Zhang?”

Zhang Fu kept his head down without venturing an answer. The guards asked, “Who might you be? Why do you wish to see Squire Zhang?”

“I have good news for him,” said the old man. “I went to his pawnshop but was told that he was at the yamen for a trial. That’s why I came all the way here.”

It was not until that moment that Zhang Fu stood up to say, “I am Zhang Fu. What good news do you have for me? Please take a seat and tell me.”

The old man sat down by Squire Zhang’s side and asked, “Have you found the things stolen from your storehouse?”

“No.”

“Well, I know something. That’s why I’m here to tell you about it. If you don’t believe me, I’ll be happy to go with you on a search. I’ll claim the reward only when you actually see the stolen goods.”

Squire Zhang was greatly delighted. “If the fifty thousand strings worth of goods can really be recovered, I’ll have more than enough to repay Prince Qian for his loss. The rest I can use to bribe high and low to get myself out of this mess.” He asked, “Since you sound sure about this, can you tell me the name of the thief?”

The old man whispered something in his ear. In astonishment, Squire Zhang said, “I don’t believe this.”

The old man insisted, “I’ll be more than willing to write a report to submit to the yamen. If the stolen goods are not there, I’ll plead guilty.”

Squire Zhang said with immense delight, “Please be kind enough to have a few drinks with me here. We’ll go together when the magistrate opens his evening court session.”

The four men drank themselves into a state of semi-intoxication. When the magistrate’s court was called in session, Squire Zhang bought a piece of paper, had the old man write an accusation, and the foursome went to the prefectural yamen to submit a report.

After reading the report from the old man, who called himself Wang Bao, accusing Inspector Ma and Officer Wang of being responsible for the burglary at Zhang Fu’s residence, Magistrate Teng thought to himself, “With their years of experience in catching thieves, they can’t be guilty.” He asked Wang Bao, “Aren’t you trying to frame them out of some personal grudge? What evidence do you have?”

Old Man Wang Bao said, “I am a broker from Zhengzhou. I saw two men selling a great deal of jewelry there. They said they had more at home and could bring it to exchange for money. I knew them to be prefectural officers and wondered how they could have come by so many treasures. Then I saw Zhang Fu’s list of stolen goods, which is very similar to what I saw. I’m willing to go with Zhang Fu to their houses for a search. If nothing can be found, I’ll plead guilty.”

Not quite convinced, Magistrate Teng dispatched Inspector Li Shun and some able runners to escort Wang Bao and Zhang Fu.

In the meantime, Inspector Ma Han and Officer Wang Zun were still away from home, working on the two cases. With a shout, the group [Li Shun and the runners] barged straight into Officer Wang’s house. Wang’s wife, with her three-year-old child in her arms, was eating a date cake in front of the window and playing with the child when the commotion broke out. Much startled, she wondered what could be causing all the excitement. Afraid that the child might be frightened, she covered up his ears with her sleeves and went to another room, but the crowd followed upon her heels and, surrounding her, demanded, “Where are Squire Zhang’s possessions hidden?”

Her eyes wide open, the woman found herself tongue-tied. Since she had nothing to say, the men set about ransacking the trunks and chests, producing no stolen goods but only a few silver hairpins and some clothes. Inspector Li was just about to scold Wang Bao when the latter, with his head bent down, dived under the bed and smilingly emerged with a package that he had untied from a leg of the bed next to the wall. It was opened to reveal a pair of gold cups in floral designs inlaid with various kinds of gems, ten gold-rimmed tortoiseshell cups, and a string of prayer beads made of pearls from the North Sea. Recognizing these to be his property, Squire Zhang broke down in loud sobs of pain.

Without the slightest idea where the things were from, the woman trembled all over in panic. Her jaw dropped open, and her arms hung limp. Allowing no word of explanation, the men threw a rope around her neck. Sobbingly, she left her child with a neighbor and could not do otherwise than follow the men.

The group then went to Inspector Ma’s house, and the same scenario of commotion followed. Again, Wang Bao poked here and there and produced from the eaves a packet of pearls as well as some gold bracelets inlaid with gems (Why doesn’t anyone wonder why Wang Bao always knows exactly where the stolen goods are hidden? )—things that Squire Zhang also recognized as his own.

When the wives and children of both families were brought to the yamen, Magistrate Teng was sitting in the hall, waiting for news. As the crowd swarmed in and laid down many recovered goods in an array at the foot of the steps, claiming that they had been found under the bed and under the eaves, and that Zhang Fu had recognized them as his possessions, the magistrate said in great astonishment, “I have often heard that those whose job it is to catch thieves end up being thieves themselves, but I never expected that Wang Zun and Ma Han would go as far as this!” He sharply ordered that the two men’s wives and children be put in jail to await a verdict. He then set a time limit for the prompt arrest of the culprits and ruled that the recovered goods be deposited, for the time being, in the prefectural treasury. The informant was to wait outside and claim his rewards, as announced in the posters, after the recovered goods had been properly identified.

Zhang Fu kowtowed and said, “I am a man of sufficient means. I have no knowledge whatsoever about the jade belt stolen from the Qian residence, but I am resigned to my bad luck and, having recovered my own possessions, I am willing to pay a compensation to the Qian family. Please release me and my two managers. Your kindness in doing so will get you enough credit in the netherworld to last for thousands of generations.”

Knowing that Zhang Fu had been wronged, Magistrate Teng allowed him to leave on bail. Wang Bao followed Squire Zhang home, claimed his fivehundred-string reward, and left.

As a matter of fact, Wang Bao was none other than Wang Xiu, who had the nickname Sick Cat for his matchless skill in roof-walking. It had been Song’s idea to have Wang Xiu hide the stolen goods from Squire Zhang’s house under the bed and under the eaves of the two inspectors’ houses and, under the assumed name Wang Bao, present himself as an informant. How was the magistrate to guess at the truth?

Now, Wang Zun and Ma Han were away working on their cases when they heard that their wives and children had been arrested. They hurried back to see Magistrate Teng, only to be beaten to a pulp at the order of the magistrate, who allowed no word of explanation. How were they to confess to having stolen from Zhang Fu? When the two wives were led out from prison, they could do no more than stare at each other without being able to come up with any words of defense. Even the magistrate found it hard to come to a decision. All of them were put in jail to await a verdict.

The following day, Zhang Fu was again brought under guard to the yamen, where he was persuaded to use whatever money he had on hand to pay back Prince Qian, for the return of his recovered goods was to take some time. Under coercion, Zhang Fu had no choice but to consent. Back at home, he sank into such depression at the thought of having to part with his money that he hanged himself in his storehouse. How tragic that miserliness cost the famous Tightwad Zhang his life! Inspector Wang Zun and Officer Ma Han both died in jail, whereas the band of thieves ran amuck in the Eastern Capital and lived in high style, drinking fine wine and visiting famous courtesans, and no one could do anything to them. In those times, no household was spared from the havoc they wreaked in the city. It was not until the Honorable Judge Bao became magistrate that these thieves dispersed in fear and the city regained its peace. There is a poem in evidence: