32

Mr. Hu Corrupts a Fellow Man in a Wife-Swapping Scheme

A Chan Master in Meditation Explains the Principle of Retribution

In the words of a ci poem,

The fierce warrior with his curved sword

Was ready to chop off ten thousand heads.

Why did his heart of flint soften for a flower?

Consider how fearsome Xiang Yu and Liu Bang were.1

But alas! Ladies Yu and Qi entered their lives,2

Spelling the end of the mighty heroes.

The lines cited above were written by a worthy poet of yore, illustrating the destructiveness of lust. Mighty heroes or iron-hearted men who kill without even batting an eye invariably go weak in the knees at the sight of a powdered face and an alluring body. Consider the cases of Xiang Yu, the Hegemon King of Chu, and Liu Bang, later Emperor Gaozu of Han, who fought each other for the crown. What mighty heroes both were! But the former could not put Lady Yu out of his mind even when he took his last breath, and the latter, when he was the worse for liquor, did not have the heart to deny Lady Qi’s wish. If they were susceptible to feminine charms, how much more so are lesser men? Romantic youths with fine sensibilities can hardly be expected to keep their wits about them when they fall prey to lust, something that has a major bearing on one’s credit record in the netherworld. (MC: Quite so!) Those men who refuse to sully other men’s wives or daughters so as not to spoil their chastity are amply rewarded by the lord of the unseen world. Some get high passes on the civil service examinations, some obtain posts that carry generous remunerations, and some are blessed with sons who later rise to eminence. Historical records are rife with such instances, which we will therefore refrain from enumerating here. As for those who indulge in sexual depravity and go out of their way to hatch plans for defiling decent women, such men, without exception, are driven to early graves, deprived of their posts, or have their sins visited upon their wives or children. The lord of the netherworld shows no mercy to such men.

A case in point: Toward the end of the Chunxi reign period [1174–89] of the Song dynasty, a xiucai-degree holder named Liu Yaoju, courtesy name Tangqing, and a native of Shuzhou [in present-day Qianshan County, Anhui], was staying in Pingjiang [present-day Suzhou, Jiangsu], where his father was serving as an official. When it was time to take the autumn provincial-level examinations, he hired a boat, as a dependent of a government official, to go to Xiuzhou [present-day Jiaxing, Zhejiang], where the examinations were to be held. After the boat got under way, Tangqing cast a glance at the stern and was taken aback by what he saw. At the helm was a beautiful girl of sixteen or seventeen years of age with lovely brows and eyes and beautiful long hair. Wearing homespun, simple clothes and little makeup, she was unique in her graceful deportment. As she stood at the helm like a branch of flowering crab apple adorning the surface of the water, Tangqing feasted his eyes on her and found his desires stirring. After carefully observing what went on in the boat, he concluded from the look of things that she was the boat owner’s daughter. Sighing in admiration, he said to himself, “So the old saying about ‘Old oysters producing bright pearls’ is right, after all.” He meant to exchange a few meaningful words with her, but he was afraid of arousing the suspicions of the girl’s father, who was with her at the helm. So he feigned indifference without daring to take more than a furtive glance at her out of the corner of his eye. The more he looked at her, the more enchanting he found her to be. Overcome by his amorous desires, he came up with a plan. He asked the boat owner to go onto the bank and help tow the boat because, he claimed, at the slow pace the heavily laden boat was traveling, he would miss his deadline.

The old boat owner operated his business with the help of his son and daughter. That day, the son was on the shore, towing the boat, and at Tangqing’s insistence, the old man joined his son, leaving the daughter alone at the helm and Tangqing alone in the cabin. Now that things were going the way he wanted, Tangqing, as was only to be expected, began to make conversation by way of sounding her out, and she responded once or twice in her charming voice to each ten of his questions or remarks. While she was speaking, Tangqing threw her significant looks, looks that she either evaded coyly or ignored with a straight face. Whenever Tangqing was silent and looking elsewhere, she would make a wry comment and, while furtively stifling her mirth, give him a sidelong glance. (MC: She is obviously a member of a gang and an old hand at ensnaring men. Tangqing is but a pedantic young man of limited experience.) Outwardly, she was being the virtuous woman, but in fact she was leading him on, making herself all the more desirable and sending him into raptures.

Meaning to make bold advances to the girl, Tangqing opened his trunk, took out a white silk handkerchief, attached it to a walnut, tied it into a lover’s knot, and tossed it at the girl. She saw it all too clearly but pretended not to have seen it and went on working at the helm, her face expressionless. Afraid that his handkerchief would be seen by others, since he believed the girl was genuinely unaware of his move, Tangqing kept signaling her with his eyes to pick it up. (MC: Tangqing is too green.) But the girl, to all appearances, remained impervious to what was happening. With the boat owner taking in the towrope and about to board the boat again, Tangqing grew desperate and began to gesticulate wildly. Not knowing what else to do as the girl stood motionless, he deeply regretted his move. How he wished he had a long arm with which to take the handkerchief back.

By the time the boat owner returned to the boat, Tangqing was crimson in the face and bathed in cold sweat, fervently wishing he were elsewhere. Lo and behold: The girl, all calm and composed, gently hooked the handkerchief with the tip of her shoe and drew it under her skirt. (MC: Is this meant to make the infatuated stop dreaming?) Slowly, she bent down, picked up the handkerchief, and stuffed it into her sleeve while smiling affectedly at the surface of the water. (IC: A real old hand! But interesting.) Exasperated by her a moment earlier, Tangqing was now grateful to her for having so successfully averted a crisis and fell all the more deeply for her charms. The attraction was mutual from this moment onward.

The next day, Tangqing repeated his trick and drove the boat owner out to tow the boat with his son. Obsequiously, Tangqing said to the girl, “I’m so grateful to you for helping me out yesterday. Otherwise I would have been too ashamed to show my face.”

The girl said, giggling, “I thought you were fearless. So you’re a coward after all!”

“With your peerless beauty and your quickness of mind, you need a worthy spouse. But with a phoenix like you finding yourself so unjustly amid chickens, isn’t this a sad waste?”

“No, you’re quite mistaken, sir. It has always been the case that one blessed in looks is cursed by fate. It’s not just me. This is just a matter of destiny. I wouldn’t dream of complaining.”

Tangqing melted with admiration for her good sense. Finding pleasure in their conversation, they warmed up to each other and exchanged meaningful glances across the few feet of distance between the cabin and the helm. However, since the father could turn around at any moment and see them from the shore, they limited themselves to verbal passes and were not able to get physical. (MC: All the more difficult to take.)

On reaching Xiuzhou, Tangqing did not go look for an inn but stayed on the boat. (IC: He is harboring designs.) Even on the examination grounds, Tangqing was unable to dismiss the girl from his thoughts. As soon as he received the essay topic, he wrote his composition without a pause, left the examination grounds well before the set finishing hour, and ran to the boat with all the speed he could muster. The father and son had told the girl that they were going into the city to make purchases because they had no passenger to serve at the moment and that her job was to keep watch over the boat. (MC: Since heaven bestowed this bond on him, why let him fail in his scheme in the end?)

Now that the girl was alone on the boat, imagine Tangqing’s joy at this blessing from heaven! Losing no time, he jumped onto the boat from the shore and asked the girl, “Where are your father and brother?”

“They went into the city.”

“Could you please move the boat to a quiet place so that we can talk?” So saying, he began to untie the rope.

Taking the hint, the girl worked the helm and maneuvered the boat to a secluded spot. Tangqing then leaped onto the stern and, gathering the girl in his arms, said, “I’m in the prime of youth and still single. If you don’t find me unworthy, let’s unite in blissful marriage!”

The girl demurred. “A girl of such inferior qualities and looks should be more than content to be the wife of a gentleman like you. But how can a withered vine in the wilderness aspire to attach itself to a tall pine? You’re meant for a brilliant career. When your day comes, you’ll find it demeaning to even look at a lowly girl like me. So I won’t presume to comply. Please cherish your own future above all else.”

These well-chosen words further impressed Tangqing. Burning with amorous desires, he grew frantic at the thought that the girl would reject his advances. (IC: His fears are quite groundless.) Tapping her back, he said, “Why all this talk of gains and losses? Because of you, I’ve been in a trance for two days now, unable to keep a grip on myself and fretting at the lack of opportunity to have a private moment of intimacy with you. And now, with only the two of us left here, this is a heaven-sent opportunity for us to indulge ourselves and fulfill our wishes of a lifetime. But you so firmly reject me out of hand, dashing all my hopes. If a man with any pride in him can’t fulfill his wishes, why should he hang on to life? I’m deeply grateful to you for hiding the handkerchief for me yesterday. Since there’s no predestined bond between us, I must end this life in repayment of your kindness.” (MC: The very fact that she moored the boat in a quiet place means that his outburst is quite uncalled for. Tangqing is too naive.)

Having said that, he made as if to jump into the river. The girl was quick to detain him. Seizing the back fold of his garment, she said, “Easy! Let’s talk!”

Turning around, Tangqing embraced her and said, “What’s there to talk about?” He carried her into the cabin and onto the bed to enjoy the pleasures that had come to him so unexpectedly. Indeed, he was as ecstatic as if he had laid his hands on some rare treasure. After their passion abated, the girl rose, smoothed her hair into place, and helped straighten Tangqing’s clothes. (IC: She’s an old hand, definitely no virgin.) “Since you stoop to favor me with such kindness, I venture to accept the honor. For all the brevity of the encounter, my loyalty to you is as firm as metal and rock. In the future, don’t let me end up like a withered flower drifting, unwanted, down flowing water.”

“I’m so honored to be an object of your affections that I’d never dream of forsaking you. The list of successful examination candidates will be released soon. If I make the list, I’ll surely marry you with all due ceremony and offer you a life of luxury.” (MC: What if he doesn’t make the list? He is a man without a fallback plan.)

After a few more loving and delightful moments, the girl cautioned, “My father may return from the city any moment now.” Thereupon, she moved the boat back to its original mooring place. Tangqing went ashore, to avoid suspicion, and embarked again after the return of the father and son, who were none the wiser. But in fact,

An evil deed done in a dark room

Is seen as clear as lightning by the gods.

In the meantime, Tangqing’s father was waiting anxiously at his duty station in Pingjiang for news about his son’s examination results. One night, he had a dream in which two yellow-robed men holding a piece of paper appeared to him, announcing, “The imperial court has released the results of the examinations. Your son won first place.” At this point, another man came up and, snatching the piece of paper away, said, “Liu Yaoju recently did something improper and has therefore been put on the deferred list.”

Mr. Tang Senior awoke with a start and realized that it had been but a dream. But the remark about his son’s improper behavior troubled him. He began to give up hope that the young man would win high honors on the exams. Just as he expected, when the results were announced in Xiuzhou, Tangqing’s name was not among those recommended for the juren degree. What happened was this: One of the examiners liked Tangqing’s paper so much that he proposed giving Tangqing first place, but another examiner was impressed by another candidate and wanted to relegate Tangqing to second place. The first examiner refused, saying, “If he’s to be number two, I’d rather fail him this time and put him on the list after the next round of exams. He’ll surely still be first. (MC: Examiners who ruin candidates are legion.) He shouldn’t be shortchanged.” Out of simple pique, the examiner failed him this time.

Tangqing was waiting for news on the boat when a commotion broke out, with messengers going every which way to announce the results to successful candidates, but nary a soul approached his boat. Realizing that he had not made the list, he gave one sigh after another. Even the girl at the helm was disappointed and shed furtive tears. When there was no one around, Tangqing consoled her with many kind words and returned home on the same boat.

When he greeted his parents, his father told him about the dream and asked, “I knew early on from my dream that you’d fail. But what improper thing did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything improper.” While mouthing these words of denial, Tangqing was appalled, thinking, “How can this be?” He could hardly believe what he had heard.

Later on, he learned about what had happened on the examination grounds and that his improper behavior had compromised his credit record in the netherworld and, therefore, the place he would otherwise have deserved on the exams. He was somewhat regretful but could not stop thinking of that girl. When the list of successful candidates was publicized after the next round of exams, Tangqing ‘s name was indeed at the top. Honoring his pledge to the girl, he sent out messengers to search for her everywhere, but she had gone none knew whither. (MC: Even if he failed the exams, why can’t he, as the son of a rich family, marry a boat owner’s daughter? Why must he wait until he gains fame and honor? Tangqing should have known better.) Later, Tangqing did pass the national-level examinations, but her disappearance remained a source of regret for him for the rest of his life. (MC: Can’t be otherwise.)

Gentle reader, consider how Liu Tangqing was punished for one wrong move. His success on the exams was deferred, and he was not able to reunite with that girl. In fact, he did not have a predestined marriage bond with that girl, which was why his credit record was damaged all the more severely. Everyone, be advised: Do not, under any circumstances, act rashly and defile women. (MC: Good advice.) The ancients put it well:

If I don’t defile other men’s wives and daughters,

My wife and daughters will not be defiled.

If I defile other men’s wives and daughters,

My wife and daughters will surely be defiled.

This humble storyteller now proposes to tell a story about men who seduce others’ wives, to illustrate the point that the wives of those men will be seduced in a chain of retribution.

In the Yuan dynasty [1260–1368], there lived in Yuanshang of Mianzhou [present-day Mian County, Shaanxi] a man named Tie Rong, whose family was of distinguished lineage. One of his forefathers had been a bandit-suppressing commissioner. His wife, Di-shi, was the number one beauty in the city. It was a regular custom for women in the Mianzhou area to go on frequent excursions. Families of distinction competed with one another in showing off their beautiful women. Every family that acquired a beautiful daughter-in-law would parade her everywhere on family outings, afraid that people would be denied the pleasure of looking at her. (MC: What an odious custom!) When the flowers were in bloom and the moon was shining brightly, young men and women filled the streets, making a babble of noises, rubbing shoulders with one another, and exchanging amorous glances, and no one saw anything wrong in such behavior. On their way home from their outings, the men would rate the women they had seen, one by one, on their looks. When commenting on the prettiest ones, they would get boisterous in their praise, oblivious to the possible presence of the women’s husbands. As for the husbands, even if they were within hearing, they would invariably puff up with pride on hearing their wives’ beauty praised and would not mind an occasional derisive remark about themselves. (MC: Shameless to the highest degree.) This became a more common practice in the Zhiyuan [1335–40] and Zhizheng [1341–68] reign periods.

Having just married a beautiful wife, Mr. Tie eagerly took her everywhere to show off her beauty. Everywhere they went, tongues clicked in admiration. I will spare the reader the details of how acquaintances of Mr. Tie teased him and flattered him but tell of those who were strangers to him. On seeing Di-shi and learning, upon inquiry, that she was the wife of a Mr. Tie, they imposed themselves on him, inundating him with sugared words, wining and dining him, calling him a “darling of fortune,” and fawning on him in every way. Thus, Mr. Tie did not even have to take money with him every time he left his house because he would surely be invited to wine feasts, from which he would return home with a full stomach and in an inebriated state. (MC: This is one of those cases of a man benefiting from his wife.) No man in or outside of the city did not know him, and every one of them harbored designs on his wife. But since Mr. Tie was from a prominent family and had an impulsive and ruthless nature, no one dared run afoul of him without a plausible reason, and so those who coveted his wife drooled in vain and confined themselves to ogling and making verbal passes at her. As the ancients put it so well:

One who fails to hide things well invites thieves;

She who overly bedecks herself invites lust.

A beauty like Di-shi could hardly be expected to keep her chastity intact when such were the local customs. Not surprisingly, something happened. As they say, “No coincidences, no stories.” In their neighborhood, there lived a man by the name of Hu Sui, whose wife, Men-shi, was also a delight to the eye, only a shade less so than Di-shi. She would have had no rival had Di-shi not outshone her. Hu Sui, a lascivious man, was resentful that his ravishingly beautiful wife could not quite measure up to Di-shi. As it turned out, Tie coveted Men-shi and had a good mind to make a clean sweep and have both beauties for his enjoyment. Only then would he rest content. The two men, each with designs on the other’s wife, struck up such a friendship that they would gladly switch wives for a brief spell. (MC: Neither of the two men knows when to stop. Both will end up bringing disgrace to their families.) More than once, Mr. Tie, a straightforward man, told Mr. Hu, a crafty man, about his designs on the latter’s wife. Mr. Hu turned the tables on Mr. Tie and deliberately said everything Tie wanted to hear with not a word against the idea. Mr. Tie thought that Mr. Hu was quite open to persuasion and that his plan stood a good chance of success, little knowing that Hu was plotting to seize the chance and take up with Di-shi without giving himself away. (MC: In the end, the scheming mind gets what it wants, but retribution also comes sooner.)

Tie said to his wife Di-shi, “People all say you’re the number one beauty, but as I see it, Mr. Hu’s wife is not any less beautiful. I wish I knew how to win her over so that both beauties are mine. If so, I’ll not have lived my life in vain, and I’ll be able to die without regrets.”

Di-shi said, “You and Mr. Hu are such great friends. Can’t you just tell him straight out what you want?” (MC: The plot thickens.)

“I did drop him a hint or two. He didn’t seem to mind. But how can I say it straight out in so many words? For things to work out, you must help me pull strings. I’m only afraid that you’ll get jealous and cause trouble.”

“I’m never jealous. I’ll help you whenever I can. But there’s one difficulty: womenfolk keep to their own quarters of the house. How is your path going to cross hers, unless you and Mr. Hu extend your personal relationship to the two families, so that the wives and children can mingle freely? If you invite them to our home often, I’ll look for an opportunity for you to take up with her.”

“Yes, my good wife, you’re right.” Henceforth, he tried harder at cultivating his friendship with Hu and frequently invited him and his wife Men-shi to his home for a drink or two, with Di-shi keeping Men-shi company. He also engaged the services of celebrated courtesans and patrons of brothels for some good-humored banter and laughter, partly to please Hu and partly to arouse Men-shi’s desires. (MC: He loses both—the lady and the money.) While the feasts were going on, Di-shi led Men-shi in looking on from behind the portiere. At the sight of the unbridled acts of debauchery, even a stone statue would be seized with passion.

Tie and Hu, each harboring less than honorable intentions, tried fervently to flaunt their good looks and arouse the other man’s wife. As it turned out, of the two women watching the goings-on from behind the portiere, one was aroused before the other. You may well ask, who was it? As a matter of fact, although Men-shi was also watching, she was after all a guest and therefore was not feeling quite at ease. Di-shi, in contrast, being at her own home, looked her fill and found her desires stirring. (MC: Tie is courting trouble, like someone who opens the door and asks the burglar in.) Hu was superior to Tie not only in looks but also, by a long shot, in manners, gentleness, and bearing. Taking a fancy to him, Di-shi flirtatiously showed her face from behind the portiere from time to time and replenished the wine and food with greater eagerness and without the least sign of fatigue. Tie was delighted that his wife proved to be such a good help, little knowing what she had in mind. (MC: The idiot!)

When well warmed with wine, Tie said to Hu, “You and I have beautiful wives, and we’re also great friends. That’s quite exceptional.”

Hu said, in a show of modesty, “My wife’s looks are far inferior to your wife’s. Your wife is perfect.”

“In my eyes, they’re about the same. But listen: It’s boring if we stay with the same wives. Why don’t we indulge in some foolishness and swap wives and enjoy them for a while? What do you say?”

With this suggestion, Tie played straight into Hu’s hands. (MC: Hu has no spark of conscience left. Of course the whole thing will turn sour.) He replied false-heartedly, “However you praise her, my wife is inferior to yours, and how can I take liberties with your honorable wife? Your idea doesn’t sound proper.”

Bursting into laughter, Tie said, “It’s all that wine we consumed that makes us so bawdy and so carried away.” They then took leave of each other amid hearty laughter.

After returning to his bedchamber, an inebriated Tie surveyed his wife and, raising her chin, said, “I’m going to switch you with Mr. Hu’s wife. What do you say?”

Di-shi lashed out at him in a show of anger, “You stupid turtle! (MC: Tie is stupid, Hu is abominable, and Di-shi is ruthless.) You’re from a decent family. How can you covet another man’s wife and sacrifice your own? Shame on you for saying such a thing!”

“Aren’t our two families on the best of terms? What’s wrong with something that benefits both?”

“It’s all right if I help you out from the inner quarters of the house but that thing I won’t do!” (MC: She’s saying this only for the sake of appearances.)

“I was just joking. Surely I’d hate to part with you. I just want to get that woman.”

“This isn’t something you can rush into,” admonished Di-shi. “You need to please Mr. Hu until he sees things your way and willingly yields his wife to you. (MC: Right.)

Gathering Di-shi into his arms, Tie said, “Oh, my good wife, you’re so understanding! You make such good sense!” The two of them went to bed, and of the events of that night there is no more to tell.

Di-shi, who had taken a fancy to Mr. Hu, knew her husband’s combustible temper all too well. She thought, “He said those idiotic things in a good mood when all his thoughts were about seducing Men-shi. If I do something with Hu and he comes to know about it, he’ll be jealous and get in the way. That won’t do. I’ll have to work out a plan and do it behind his back so as to enjoy the pleasure in peace and quiet.” (MC: This is even more ruthless.) And so she drew up a plan.

One day, Hu again went to the Tie residence for a drink. That day, Hu was the only guest. With Di-shi waiting on him, emerging from the portiere from time to time and dropping hints, Hu caught on and took care not to drink too much, while plying Tie with wine at the same time. (MC: Most malicious.) Hu said, “I’m so grateful to you, my brother, for loving me more than your own flesh and blood. You find my humble wife to your liking, and she also admires you. I’ve managed to talk her into being more than a little agreeable to your idea. If you can take good care of me and engage a hundred courtesans for me first, I’ll surely help you do what you want.”

“If you can bring this off, my brother, even a thousand courtesans won’t be a problem.”

Euphoric at the way the conversation was going, Tie let himself go and downed one large bowl of wine after another. With a sickeningly obsequious Hu egging him on, he soon drank himself into a stupor. Ostensibly to support him, Hu put his arm around Tie and took him through the portiere into the inner section of the house. Di-shi, waiting by the portiere, flung out her hands to take her husband, since she did not have to remove herself from Hu’s presence. By this time, Tie had lost all consciousness. As Hu pursed his lips and made as if to kiss Di-shi on the cheek, she hooked his foot with the tip of her shoe and called out for her maids Yanxue and Qingyun to help the master go inside. Left alone with Di-shi by the portiere, Hu enfolded her in his arms. As she turned around to put her arms around him as well, Hu pleaded for sex, saying, “I worship you! To be able to join with you in a union of divine bliss is to fulfill our predestined bond of three lifetimes!”

“This has also long been my wish. You need not say another word.” With that, she removed her trousers, sat down in a chair, raised her feet, and let Hu have his way with her. (MC: This is a case of a friend making a preemptive strike.) How laughable that Tie, in coveting Hu’s wife, suffered the indignity of having his own wife defiled by Hu first. Verily,

He ignores his own and covets his friend’s wife,

Not knowing that his friend has got a head start on him.

He sold his wonton to buy a bowl of noodles.

If he is not an imbecile, who is?

An expert in the art of lovemaking, Hu put all his skills to full use. In her ecstasy, Di-shi did not forget to enjoin him not to breathe a word of this to anyone.

“I’m so grateful to you for deigning to accept me in a union of delight, but it was your husband who brought up the idea some time ago, so it doesn’t matter if he knows.”

“My husband said that because he has his eye on your wife. He may be a womanizer, but he’s a headstrong and straightforward man, someone not to be trifled with. We must play tricks on him if we want to enjoy ourselves for a long time to come.”

“What tricks?”

“He goes in for wine and sex. So, you find him famous courtesans, take him to drinking parties, and make him stay nights in pleasure houses. In his absence, you and I can have whole nights to ourselves.” (MC: How frightening!)

“Excellent idea! He did promise to treat me to a hundred courtesans in exchange for a rendezvous with my wife. I’ll take him up on the offer and talk a couple of the best courtesans into tying him down. Surely he won’t be able to tear himself away from them. The only problem is, where are we going to get the money for him to spend in the pleasure houses?”

“Leave that to me,” said Di-shi.

“With you going to so much trouble, I’ll do my level best to make you happy.”

After settling on their plan, they went their separate ways.

In point of fact, Hu’s means were slender, whereas Tie’s family fortune was quite ample, so Tie had been treating Hu to lavish feasts in order to befriend him, and Hu had been playing up to Tie. Who would have expected that Hu would bite the hand that fed him? But however deep his pockets, Tie’s extravagant spending habits had gradually diminished his vast fortune. And after taking up with Hu, Di-shi kept urging him to seek pleasure outside the house while she spent freely on elaborate daily feasts in Hu’s honor. In her transports of joy, she did not begrudge any expense and, taking advantage of her husband’s impatience, joined hands with Hu in urging him to sell off the family estate for much less than it was worth. After the sale, she kept some of the proceeds for Hu’s upkeep. As soon as he found a famous courtesan, Hu would take Tie to her quarters, where the latter would drink and stay for entire days and nights. From time to time, Di-shi also subsidized some of her husband’s lavish expenses by sending him some of her private savings. (MC: Clever of her.) In his absence, she and Hu enjoyed themselves to the full. Believing that his wife was so understanding that she knew no jealousy, Tie grew all the more wanton and was very pleased with himself. (MC: That holy idiot!) On the rare occasions when he came home, Di-shi exhibited such delight, unadulterated with any trace of jealousy, that Tie was overwhelmed with gratitude and, even in his dreams, believed her to be a good woman.

One day, Di-shi had just set out wine and refreshments to enjoy with Hu when her husband suddenly showed up. “Why such a fine spread?” he demanded.

“I just knew you’d come back today, so I set out the wine and food in advance. And afraid that you might feel lonely, I’ve sent an invitation to Mr. Hu so that you’ll have a drinking companion.”

“My wife! You do know me best!”

Before long, Hu did come over. Tie enjoyed the wine with him, talking about nothing but courtesans. Under the influence of the wine, Tie again mentioned Men-shi. Hu said, “Since you now enjoy the company of famous courtesans, why would you still care for the likes of my humble wife? If you really don’t mind her unfortunate looks, I’ll think of a way to bring you and her together.”

Tie thanked him profusely. However, in spite of the verbal promises, Hu continued to cajole Tie to visit the courtesans’ quarters, where the latter spent much of his time in drunken slumber. With his eyes dazzled by all the glamour, he had no time to spare for fun times with Men-shi. (MC: He makes verbal promises but keeps the man too busy to get around to her. Really crafty.)

Hu and Di-shi were so attached to each other that no night went by that they did not satisfy the demands of the flesh. Since Tie’s presence proved inconvenient for them, Hu gave Di-shi a recipe for precipitating wine-induced sleep. Anyone who drank up to ten cups of the drugged wine would collapse and fall fast asleep. Equipped with this prescription, Di-shi made Tie fall asleep when he was at home after drinking only a few cups with Di-shi or Hu. Hu would then leave the reception room, switch to undrugged wine, and spend the whole night frolicking in debauchery with Di-shi, unbeknownst to Tie. A couple of times, Tie came home when Hu and Di-shi were joyfully applying themselves to wine. Each time, Hu managed to make a timely exit, although there was no time to clear up the clutter on the table. To Tie’s questions, Di-shi replied that a kinsman had been there and was kept for a meal but that, afraid of having wine forced on him after the master’s return, the kinsman had taken his leave. Tie would stop asking questions. It was all because he believed Di-shi when she indicated her aversion to wife-swapping and thought she was a woman of impeccable virtue. (MC: He is just too careless.) Plus, Hu had been giving him such flattering attentions—showing him every deference, taking him to courtesans, and keeping him company at feast tables—that no suspicion of the man had ever crossed his mind. Moreover, it was a case of two conspirators against one unsuspecting party, and the maids, also being in on it, were quick to cover up any tracks that had been inadvertently left behind. And so, with his clouded wits, Tie took Hu to be a loyal friend and Di-shi to be a virtuous wife. (MC: In fact, hiding things from a man like Tie is quite superfluous. Why even bother?) As more people in the neighborhood got wind of the matter, a song to the tune of “Sheep on the Mountain Slope” was made up to mock him:

Who doesn’t fancy some romance?

But a pretty wife should make a man content.

Why make the rounds here, there, and everywhere,

While offering his darling to pay a debt?

He covets another man’s wife,

But his own connives with another man.

The tables are turned on the one who plots first,

While the one he covets remains none the worse.

He reached deep into his own pocket

Only for another man’s benefit.

Gosh! Consider the money well spent to block ill luck!

Gosh! This deal is by no means fairly struck!

To resume: Tie gave himself up to the pleasures of wine and sex and spent his days in a dreamy, wine-induced trance. With the passage of time, this lifestyle began to take a toll on his health, and he became confined to bed at home. Finding him in the way, Hu thought it prudent to stop coming, but Di-shi sent him this message: “My husband doesn’t get out of bed anyway, and the maids do keep a sharp lookout. Relax and feel free to come! Nothing will happen.”

Thus advised, Hu cast all caution to the winds. Indeed, he grew so careless that he would forget himself and walk right past Tie’s bed. Suddenly spotting him one day, Tie asked in surprise, “Why did Mr. Hu emerge from inside?”

In chorus, Di-shi and the maids said, “We didn’t see anyone walk by. What Mr. Hu are you talking about?”

“I did see him just now, all too clearly! But if you say no one walked by, maybe my illness played tricks on my eyes and made me see a ghost.” (MC: His mind is in a daze.)

“No, you didn’t see a ghost,” said Di-shi. “It’s because your thoughts are with his wife all day long. It gets so bad that in your confused state of mind, you see him the moment you open your eyes. Your eyes deceived you.” (MC: A woman with a clever tongue.)

The next day, Hu said, on hearing about this episode, “You may have convinced him for the moment, but after he gets well, he’ll think about what happened and may doubt your words. Well, if he thought he’d seen a ghost, I’ve got an idea. Let me show him what a real ghost looks like. If he believes his eyes did deceive him, he won’t have any doubts in the future.” (MC: What a crafty man!)

With a chuckle, Di-shi said, “Surely you jest! How are you going to find a ghost?”

“Tonight, I’ll hide in one of your back rooms for some fun with you. Tomorrow, I’ll make myself up to look like a ghost and walk out for him to see. Won’t that be nice any way you look at it?”

Sure enough, Di-shi installed Hu in a separate room and told the two maids to attend to their master by his bed. She herself, saying that she was tired from taking care of the patient and wanted to have a good night’s sleep somewhere else, abandoned her husband and spent the night with Hu.

The next day, on learning from an inquiry that Tie was awake but still drowsy, Hu painted his face blue, dyed his hair red, wrapped his feet in cotton, and noiselessly charged right at Tie’s bed. (MC: Like tricking a child.) Still weak from his illness, Tie cried out in horror, “A ghost! A ghost!” Covering his head with his quilt, he could not stop shaking.

Di-shi hurried to his bed and asked, “What’s the fuss about?”

Tie said between sobs, “Didn’t I tell you I saw a ghost yesterday? I saw one again today. (MC: Falling into the trap.) My worsening condition bodes ill. Quickly, engage an exorcist to do an exorcism for me!” The shock of it all worsened his condition. (MC: Isn’t this retribution?) Feeling a little guilty, Di-shi was obliged to look for an exorcist.

At the time, there lived about a hundred li from Yuanshang a Chan master, Liaowo by Buddhist name and Empty Valley by sobriquet, whose accomplishments were unrivaled among the monks of the region. Tie invited the master to his house with due etiquette and built an altar of atonement to pray for blessings from the Buddha. That day, the master entered into meditation, from which he did not awake at the set hour. When he finally woke up at dusk, he asked Tie, “Was there a bandit-suppressing commissioner in your clan?”

“Yes, he was my grandfather.”

“Is there a Mr. Hu among your friends?”

“Yes, he’s a very good friend of mine.”

On hearing “Mr. Hu,” Di-shi, with her dark secret, drew near, perking up her ears. (MC: Because of her deep involvement.)

The master continued, “What I saw a moment ago was very strange.”

“What’s so strange?” asked Tie.

“This poor monk first saw the local tutelary god, who happened to be listening to your ancestor, the bandit-suppressing commissioner, complaining that Mr. Hu was ruining his grandson. The local god explained that he was too lowly to handle a case like that and gave him this advice: ‘The gods of the Big Dipper and the Southern Dipper will be coming down to Jade Basket Peak today. You may go and make your complaint to them. They’ll surely do right by you.’ The commissioner asked this poor monk to go with him. When we got there, we did indeed see two old men, one in red and the other in green, sitting opposite each other in a game of chess. The commissioner kowtowed to them and began his story, but the two old men made no response. The commissioner went on nonetheless. It was after the chess game was over that one of the old men spoke up. ‘Blessing the good and punishing the evil are heavenly principles. Being a Confucian, you should not be ignorant of the principle that the evil ought to suffer consequences of their own making, and you make futile pleas for help. Your wayward grandson deserves to die. However, since you’re a distinguished Confucian scholar, your family line should not end with your grandson. He’ll be spared this time. Mr. Hu will either get his comeuppance in this lifetime or suffer in the netherworld for promoting debauchery and corrupting your grandson. You may go now. Hu will be duly dealt with. You need not hate him or complain to us.’ Then he turned to me and said, ‘You’re also predestined for a meeting with us. Having witnessed this exchange, you must spread the word to mortal beings and let them know that divine justice never misses the mark.’ Having said that, they departed. That was what I experienced during my meditation session. Isn’t it remarkable that the bandit-suppressing commissioner was a real person, as is Mr. Hu?”

Di-shi was appalled on hearing this and was at a loss as to what to do. (MC: In a daze.)

Tie thought that his grandfather had complained about him because Hu had been leading him on to engage in debauchery. He had no idea of Di-shi’s involvement. He did relax on hearing that he was to be spared death this time. His condition began to improve, but Di-shi, in worrying about Hu, ended up falling prey to an affliction of the mind.

Before long, Tie fully recovered, but Hu began to suffer from lower back pain. In less than ten days, he fell gravely ill with a large boil. The physician said that he was dehydrated from excessive indulgence in wine and sex and was beyond saving. (MC: Di-shi is partly to blame.) Every day, Tie went straight into Hu’s bedchamber to see him, since the two families had been so close that house rules did not apply to them. (MC: Exactly what has led to this mess.) Men-shi was at the door, tending to the patient, and tried half-heartedly to remove herself from Tie’s presence. However, out of gratitude for Tie’s help with the family’s expenses, she gradually began to exchange a few words and glances with him. Having been a longtime admirer of hers, Tie jumped at the opportunity and played the big seducer. As she warmed up to him, they began to dally with each other behind Hu’s back. Tie’s long-standing wish was finally fulfilled after he had been betrayed by his wife for so long. Truly,

What goes around comes around;

Play no tricks against Heaven.

A deal that has been long in the making

Is now finally due for closure.

After Men-shi took up with Tie, the two became as inseparable as lacquer and glue, as Di-shi and Hu had been at the beginning. Knowing that Hu’s life hung in the balance and that he stood no chance of recovery, the two of them, in their deep attachment to each other, wanted to be a lawfully wedded couple. Tie said to Men-shi, “My wife is most kind and understanding. She gave me permission to invite you home, thus helping to bring about our union. And now, it would be wonderful if I could marry you and take you to my house to live there along with her.”

With a contemptuous sniff, Men-shi said, “Yes, she’s very eager to help bring about other people’s unions, just as she brought about her own.” (MC: She also has a clever tongue.)

“How did she do that?”

“She’s had a relationship with my husband for a long time. My husband often didn’t sleep at home. He was at your home every time you were away. Don’t you know any of this?”

Only then did Tie wake up to the truth and realize that Hu had been playing him false, which explained the master’s meditation and his grandfather’s complaints. And his winning of Men-shi was also retribution. He said to Men-shi, “I did see him with my own eyes, but I believed their lies. If you hadn’t told me, I would still have been in the dark.”

“You mustn’t confront her with this information after you get home. She’ll hold it against me.”

“Now that I have you, I feel vindicated. What’s more, your husband is dying. Why should I advertise his doings?” (MC: He is the one who started it all. He shouldn’t have hard feelings.) Quietly, he took leave of Men-shi and returned home but kept his mouth shut about the matter.

A couple of days later, Hu died. After Tie returned home from a visit to offer his condolences, Di-shi found herself shedding tears of grief as she recalled the loving moments she had shared with Hu. Now that Tie knew the truth, he saw right through her and said with a scornful smile, “Where do those tears come from?” Di-shi was at a loss for words. Tie went on, “I know everything. You need not hide anything from me.”

Her face aflame, Di-shi said brazenly, “My tears are for the death of a good friend of yours. What’s there to know? And what’s there to hide?”

“Don’t even try to talk your way out of it. Every night that I was away, did he sleep at his own home? And did you sleep alone? When I was ill, who was it I saw? Your tears are for the death of your lover.” (MC: True.)

Now that the truth was out, Di-shi dared not say anything in her own defense. She maintained a moody silence, her thoughts filled with memories of Hu. The moment she closed her eyes, his image popped into her mind. Her depression led to illness. Refusing all food and drink, she died.

About six months after her death, Tie took Men-shi as his wife through the services of a matchmaker. The couple found much pleasure in each other’s company. Recalling the Chan master’s words of caution about retribution, he said to Men-shi, “Your beauty gave me improper thoughts, but Mr. Hu seduced my wife before I did anything. I received measure for measure. Mr. Hu and my wife fornicated behind my back, and now they’re both dead and gone. Your marrying me is an act of retribution for what they did. This serves as a warning to those who are guilty of improper thoughts and debauchery. The Chan master explained all this to me after his meditation session. I’m now full of remorse. Although my family fortune is nearly exhausted, we should be able to get by. Let’s live an honest life.”

Tie honored the Chan master as his teacher and vowed to observe the Five Precepts.3 He put a stop to his dissolute ways and forbade Men-shi to go out pleasure seeking. (IC: Important.) The story gained circulation in the Mianzhou region as an illustration of the point that retribution never misses its mark. The Chan master spread the word about what he had seen during meditation and changed the local customs for the better. (MC: Great merit.) There is a poem in testimony:

Women of Mianzhou took pleasure trips by habit,

Exposing themselves to courtship by all.

The sight of beauty leads to lechery,

Each vying to get a head start on others.

The seducer brings ruin on himself;

Once he dies, his landed estates are taken.

Vice and virtue get their due in this lifetime.

Be advised: Stay away from sins of the flesh!