31

Priest He Commits Fornication via Black Magic

Registrar Zhou Wipes Out Rebels via Fornication

As the poem says,

Divine mandates are never just for show;

Black magic must not be allowed to spread.

Zhang Jiao of the Yellow Turbans rebelled in vain;1

When did he ever manage to ascend the throne?

Here begins our story: In the Qianfu reign period [874–79] of the Tang dynasty, there lived in a mountain village in Tongchi County, Shangdang [in present-day Shanxi] a man by the name of Hou Yuan, who eked out a poor existence by selling firewood. One day in the cyclical year of jihai [879], he took a rest at the mouth of a valley on his way back from cutting firewood in the hills in the northwest of the county. Facing a huge rock the size of several rooms, he lamented, “Mine is such an unhappy lot!” Even as he sighed, the rock cracked open to reveal a cave, and out of the cave emerged a hoary-haired old man with a cane, wearing a Daoist robe and a black hat.

Astounded, Hou Yuan quickly rose and bowed deeply. The old man said, “I’m a divine being. Why indulge in such self-pity? You can become rich if you learn my magic. Follow me.”

As the old man went back into the cave, Hou Yuan followed on his heels. After tens of paces, Hou Yuan suddenly found himself in the midst of scenic splendor, with bamboo and pine trees and exotic flowers and plants stretching into the distance. The old man took Hou Yuan past green balustrades, vermilion doors, towers, and pavilions and into a small gazebo in a courtyard, where two page boys served him a meal. The meal over, he was led to a lounge, where he was given a bath and new clothes. Arrayed in proper attire, complete with a hat and a waistband, he was ushered back into the gazebo.

The old man had the page boys spread a mat on the ground and told Hou Yuan to kneel on it. The old man then proceeded to impart to him secret formulas consisting of tens of thousands of characters, formulas that taught ways of metamorphoses and body concealment. Hou Yuan was a man of very limited intelligence, but he was able to remember all the formulas after hearing them only once. The old man cautioned him, “You do have a small share of fortune in your life, and you’re due for a rise in status thanks to my wonderful magic. However, your physiognomy tells me that your ill luck has yet to run out, so you need to exercise caution. If you engage in reprehensible activities, you’ll land yourself in calamity and meet your death. (MC: If he is going to fail anyway, why teach the formulas to him? Don’t tell me there’s no escape from fate!) Now go home and practice what I taught you. If you want to see me, just knock on this rock in good faith. Someone will surely answer your knock, and we’ll meet again.”

Hou Yuan bowed his thanks and was ready to leave. The old man had one of the page boys escort him out of the cave. Once outside, he saw that the cave had changed back into a huge rock. His load of firewood and his tools had all disappeared.

Upon his return home, his parents and brothers said in joyful surprise, “You’ve been away for more than a year. We thought you must have been killed by some tiger or wolf. Luckily, you’re still alive!” In fact, Hou Yuan thought he had spent only one day in the cave.

Surprised by his elegant clothes and high spirits, they kept asking him probing questions. Knowing he would not be able to conceal the facts from them, he told them everything. Then he went into a secluded room and practiced what the old man had imparted to him until he achieved proficiency. Before a month was out, he had become an accomplished magician, capable of transforming all objects and summoning ghosts and spirits. His incantations aimed at plants, trees, soil, and rocks changed them into foot soldiers, cavalrymen, and armored fighters. With such magic powers, his fame spread far and wide, and he developed a large following. With some of the young and fearless men in the community serving as officers and soldiers, marching with banners amid the fanfare of pipes and drums, Hou Yuan was not unlike the prince of a small kingdom, and he called himself “the Sage.” He established titles such as the Three Elders, the Left and the Right Aides, and the Left and the Right Generals.

Every first and fifteenth day of the month, he decked himself out to pay his respects to the divine being of the rock, and each time, the divine being cautioned, “Be sure not to raise an army in rebellion. (MC: He cannot but rebel.) If you want to act, you must wait until Heaven approves.” Each time, Hou Yuan meekly mumbled his assent.

By the cyclical year of gengzi [880], the number of his troops reached into the thousands. Afraid that Hou Yuan’s sorcery might give rise to trouble, the county magistrate gave a report on the situation to the regional commander of Shangdang, Mr. Gao. In his turn, Commander Gao ordered a crackdown by the Luzhou garrison. On learning the news, Hou Yuan went to the divine being of the cave to seek his counsel. The divine being said, “As I’ve told you before, you’d do well to keep a low profile. They won’t attack if they see that we have no intention of making enemies of them. Let this not be forgotten: Do not engage them in battle!”

Hou Yuan mouthed words of agreement, but inwardly he was not convinced. He thought, “I have more than enough prowess to bring them to their knees. What’s more, this being the first time around, the government will be dispatching only a minor contingent. If I can’t fight them off this time, how am I going to deal with mightier armies in the future? Besides, if I show weakness, my men will refuse to follow my orders. How am I going to hold on to my authority?”

After he returned from the cave, he brushed aside the divine being’s advice and ordered his men to get ready for battle. That evening, the government troops pitched camp at a strategic vantage point thirty li from Hou Yuan’s base. As a result of Hou Yuan’s black magic, the government soldiers were intimidated by the sight of infantry and cavalrymen all over the mountain. The next day, as the government army advanced in phalanxes, Hou Yuan led more than a thousand men and charged into the phalanxes, cutting right through them. As the government troops began to retreat, Hou Yuan, believing himself invincible with his black magic, ordered that wine be served to his men in order to further boost their morale. As it turned out, since his fighters were but a ragtag band of undisciplined men, they got rowdy after a drink or two, and the government troops took advantage of the disorder to come after them. All his men ran helter-skelter in every direction. Hou Yuan was the only one who stayed where he was. In his inebriated state, his incantation stuck in his throat, and he was captured and marched to Shangdang. There, clapped into a heavy cangue, he was packed off to the Luzhou prefectural jailhouse and put under a high-security watch.

The next morning, the guards saw only a lamp stand in the cangue. Hou Yuan was nowhere to be seen. In fact, he had gone to Tongdi County under cover of night, to apologize to the divine being of the rock. In a rage, the divine being lashed out at him, saying, “You’re hopeless! You ignored my advice. You may have been spared this time, but the law will eventually catch up with you! You’re no disciple of mine!” Having said that, he went back into the cave in a huff. The gate of the cave closed behind him and changed back into a rock.

Remorse seized hold of Hou Yuan. (MC: Not thoroughly enough.) In all sincerity, he knocked at the rock again, but to no avail. Henceforth, Hou Yuan began to forget the incantations he had learned. Even those that he still remembered did not work well. But his men, knowing nothing of what had happened, still clung to him and looked up to him as their master. Emboldened by the large number of his followers, he led them in pillaging Bingzhou Prefecture that autumn. However, his number was up. Troops from the Bingzhou garrison happened to pass by and, being informed of the situation, laid siege to Hou Yuan’s men. In desperation, Hou Yuan intoned what spells and incantations he still knew, but none worked. He was killed right there on the battlefield, and his followers dispersed every which way. By refusing to heed a divine being’s admonitions, he came to no good end.

Clearly, rebellion is censured by Heaven. Those who employed Daoist magic in the service of the imperial court, as did Zhang Liang and Lu Jia, naturally won distinction and acquired undying fame.2 None of those who resorted to black magic in armed rebellions with hidden agendas of their own have ever succeeded. Zhang Jiao, Zheng Ce, Zheng Er, Sun En, and Lu Xun did acquire their books on warfare and their black magic from divine beings, but they all ended in defeat.3 Therefore, Quelling the Demons’ Revolt tells about warnings against rebellions, warnings that were contained in divine instructions left in White Ape Cave.4

To come back to Hou Yuan: If he had followed the instructions of the divine being, he would have made something of himself. But as it turned out, he suffered consequences of his own making. All this is as clear as day, and yet, in these times of peace and order, there are still imbeciles who join the White Lotus Society, incite riots everywhere, and die without regrets. Why? I now propose to tell a story about a woman who, inspired by some demonic verses, rebelled and got herself killed. Lend me your ears! There is a poem in testimony:

Skilled in martial arts, she caused her husband’s death;

Still, she acquired divine verses and rebelled.

For wreaking havoc in Qingzhou, she was killed.

Woe may be hidden in weal; you never can tell.

Our story is about a woman named Tang Sai’er who lived in the Yongle reign period [1403–24] of this dynasty [Ming] in Laiyang County of Qingzhou Prefecture, Shandong. Her mother conceived her after she had a dream in which, following a god’s order, she swallowed a magic pill from a gold box that the god offered to her. (MC: Therein lies the root of her karma.) Sensible and bright from her earliest years, Sai’er was given a good education, and she grew to be quite a beauty. She took delight in playing with paper-cut horsemen at battle. On reaching marriageable age, she wedded Wang Yuanchun of Shilin Street in the same town. Wang Yuanchun was skilled in horsemanship, archery, and the martial arts and was endowed with a sizable family fortune. After he married Sai’er, he began to wallow in the pleasures of the flesh and spent all his time drinking and indulging in frivolities. From time to time, he gave Sai’er lessons in archery and swordsmanship, and Sai’er gladly practiced what she learned. (MC: Beginning to show her stuff.) Time flew by. Before they knew it, five or six years had elapsed. Having spent freely, they now found themselves in greatly reduced circumstances and could barely afford adequate food and clothing.

One day, Sai’er said to her husband, “Rather than suffering from hunger, we’d better sell the pear orchard in the back, buy a good horse, and start a lucrative business. (MC: This is when she makes up her mind to be a bandit.) Wouldn’t that be nice?”

On hearing this, Wang Yuanchun said, “My good wife, why didn’t you say so earlier? But it’s now too late in the day to go into action.” The next day, Wang Yuanchun rose bright and early, wrote out a bill of sale, and, with a certain Li as the go-between, sold the pear orchard to Jia Bao, a rich man in the neighborhood, for more than twenty taels of silver. Then Wang Yuanchun went to the Qingzhou market and bought a fast horse. As for bows, arrows, and daggers, he did not have to buy any, since he was already in possession of these items. On a chosen auspicious day (MC: It may not be that auspicious.), Yuanchun put on the uniform of an arresting officer and bade good-bye to Sai’er, saying, “I’ll be back soon enough.”

“Take care!” said Sai’er.

“Off I go!” He leaped onto his horse and gave it a stroke of the whip, and the horse galloped off like a puff of smoke. He did not stop until he came to a grove of wild jujube trees behind the Langya Mountains. With only one path through the middle, he could easily block a traveler’s way unless his victim could take to the air. So he thought he had found a good spot for relieving travelers of their possessions. Little did he know that those who were attracted to this shortcut were not law-abiding people, definitely not the kind resigned to being robbery victims. Yuanchun’s fate was against him, for he ran into exactly such a group of travelers. At the sight of the travelers’ enticingly heavy bags, he said to himself, “I’m in luck!” He spurred his horse on and rode with the speed of the wind all around the group. Once assured that the coast was clear, he stretched his bow and let fly an arrow.

Among the group of travelers was a man called Meng De. Alarmed by the sight of Yuanchun riding around his group, he took precautions, and at this point, he raised his bow and knocked the flying arrow to the ground. Seeing his arrow miss its target, Yuanchun reined in his horse and let fly a second arrow. As before, Meng De intercepted it, shouting, “My good man! Allow me to return the courtesy!” So saying, he stretched his bow but did not release his arrow.

On hearing the twanging sound of Meng De’s bowstring without seeing a flying arrow, Wang Yuanchun thought, “That idiot doesn’t know how to use his bow. He’s just bluffing.” Lowering his guard until he was only half on alert, he slowly approached Meng De on his horse. Again, Meng De made a feint of stretching his bow and shouted, “Take this!” But as before, no arrow flew. (MC: This is an old trick of the outlaws. On his first try, Yuanchun falls into the trap.)

Seeing no arrow coming at him, Wang Yuanchun was convinced that the idiot did not know the first thing about archery. Putting his mind at rest, he charged at Meng De. Little did he know that while pretending to stretch his bow, Meng De had taken the opportunity to load an arrow and now let it fly straight at Yuanchun’s face. (MC: Wonderful.)

In less time than it takes to describe in words, Yuanchun was raising his head to look when the arrow hit his forehead and went through his head. As he tumbled off his horse, Meng De ran up to him, drew his sword, and stabbed him repeatedly in the throat. All too obviously, it was all over with Yuanchun. As the poem says,

Where the sword gleams, mourn the flowing water!

Where the arrow flies, lament the fallen flower!

He wants to send a message to his wife,

But how is his soul to find its way home?

Meng De said to his five or six fellow travelers, “That idiot must have been new to the profession and didn’t make it the first time around. Let’s go and not lose any more time.” And so they went on with their journey.

In the meantime, Tang Sai’er was waiting anxiously for her husband’s return. When night was closing in and there was still no sign of him, she said to herself, “Something must have happened to him. He should have returned by now. Or maybe it’s just that he needs more time with his first job. But he makes me worry so much!” Toward midnight, when there was still no sign of him, she resignedly closed the gate, entered her room, and went to bed fully clothed, but sleep just did not come to her. When daybreak came and he still did not show up, Sai’er began to feel a wave of panic. At a loss as to what to do, she heard neighbors saying, “A police officer was murdered in a clump of wild jujube trees.”

In consternation, Sai’er went next door and told tofu peddler Shen Yinshi and his wife everything she knew. Old man Shen said, “You mustn’t tell the truth to anyone else. Your husband was from a good family. He never did such things, and there’s no evidence against him. You just say that because you had no means of livelihood, your husband sold your pear orchard the other day, bought a horse with the money, and went to the Qingzhou marketplace to sell it, and that he had only five or six mace of travel money with him, nothing more. But you need to go to the woods to identify his body before you go see the county magistrate.”

Thereupon, Sai’er went with Shen Yinshi to the clump of wild jujube trees. At the sight of Wang Yuanchun’s corpse, Sai’er burst into sobs. The commotion caught the attention of the local headmen, who came to the scene, and after hearing Sai’er out, they took her to see the magistrate of Laiyang County, Mr. Shi.

After Sai’er repeated her story, Magistrate Shi said, “Your husband must have been robbed of his money and his horse. You may go now to take care of your husband’s burial. I’ll have the police hunt down the robbers. As soon as they’re brought to justice, the horse and money will be returned to you.”

Sai’er and the local headmen bowed their thanks to Magistrate Shi and went their separate ways. On returning home, she said to old Mr. and Mrs. Shen, “Thanks to your advice, the magistrate bought my story, but now what am I going to do about the burial clothes and coffin?”

Old man Shen said, “Since you’ve already sold your orchard to the Jia family, why don’t you mortgage your home to Mr. Jia as well, so as to get a few taels of silver for your husband’s burial? He won’t turn you down.”

At Sai’er’s request, Mr. and Mrs. Shen went with her to the Jia residence. After she blubbered out her story, Jia Bao said, his heart going out to the luckless Wang Yuanchun, “You keep your house for now. I’ll give you two piculs of rice and five taels of silver. You can return them to me after you sell the house.”

With the silver, Sai’er promptly bought a coffin, made some burial clothes, went to the woods to encoffin Wang Yuanchun’s corpse, and escorted the coffin to the Wang family graveyard for burial. With the rice from Mr. Jia, she made sacrificial offerings to the deceased. After watching the stonemasons set the stones, she quickly cleaned the place up for her return home. With day giving way to evening, she and the Shens went back the way they had come.

When passing an ancient grave in the midst of a clump of trees, they saw a shaft of white light that, amid the gathering darkness, turned the surrounding area as bright as day. All three of them were violently startled. Mrs. Shen was so shocked that she collapsed and rolled on the ground. Sai’er and Mr. Shen managed to keep their wits about them and went up to that grave. On seeing that the shaft of light was coming from underground, Sai’er drove a bamboo rod into the ground where the shaft was. As she did so, the soil sank as if it were not solid, to reveal a small stone box. By the white light, Sai’er saw a double-edged sword and a suit of armor inside. She told Mr. Shen to take them while she supported Mrs. Shen, and all three of them headed for home. On returning home, she blew a lamp into flame and opened the stone box, only to see nothing but a hand-copied divine book. Mr. and Mrs. Shen, being illiterate, asked, “What can a thing like that do for you?”

Sai’er saw that the cover of the book bore the inscription “Scripture of the Ninth Heaven’s Mysteries in the Chaotic World.” Next to the title was a poem:

Tang the empress of the land

Solves the mysteries of the world.

Enjoying nine-ring pills,

Successfully she dominates the palace.

Although quite literate, Sai’er could not make anything of the poem in the rush of the moment. Mr. and Mrs. Shen, exhausted after the hectic activities of the day, were unable to hold out any longer. So they took leave of Sai’er and went back to their own house to retire for the night. Sai’er also shut her door and went to bed. She had hardly closed her eyes when she dreamed of a Daoist priest who said to her, “The Lord on High ordered me to come here and teach you the secrets of the Ninth Heaven so as to bring succor to all people. (MC: To bring succor to all people is indeed in accord with heavenly principles. But if this was only to cause her to rise in rebellion and then fail, the heavenly book appeared in vain.) My destined bond with you is not yet over, so I’m here to help you become empress.”

When she woke up, a fragrant breeze was stirring the air, and she retained a clear memory of her dream. The next day, she told Mr. and Mrs. Shen about her dream, sparing no detail, and added, “I got a divine book yesterday and then this dream last night.”

“How very strange! This is unbelievable!” exclaimed Mr. Shen.

If the truth be told, coincidences make the world go round. While Sai’er was talking with Mr. Shen, a Daoist priest, He Zhengyin, of Xuanwu Temple, overheard every word as he was intoning the scriptures next door, and an evil thought crossed his mind. In his frequent visits to the neighborhood, he had fallen for Sai’er’s good looks, and now he jumped at the opportunity to get his hands on her. Knowing she was friends with the Shens, he deliberately avoided passing the Shens’ tofu shop and made a big detour and returned to the temple. He thought, “Isn’t it something to be an empress? If I could trick that woman into my arms, I can die without regrets.” (MC: This is the full extent of Priest He’s desires. So much for his life’s ambitions!)

That evening, he bought some fine wine and delicacies and shared them with his disciples Dong Tianran and Yao Xuyu and his page boys Meng Jing and Wang Xiaoyu. With his well-lined pockets, Priest He Zhengyin always affected cleverness and gave himself important airs. So this invitation bewildered his four guests. They said in chorus, “If we can be of any service to Your Reverence, we’ll go through hell and high water to repay your kindness!”

After discreetly telling them about his designs on Tang Sai’er, Zhengyin continued, “I need your help with this job. I’ll surely take good care of you without fail.”

The four of them promised to do his bidding, and they did not part company until they had thoroughly enjoyed the occasion.

The next morning, after doing his hair and washing up, Zhengyin fixed himself up to look like the priest in Sai’er’s dream, according to her descriptions. How did he look? As the poem says,

Ethereal as sparkling autumn water,

Graceful in his blue-ribboned scarf,

He sought not elixir from the gold furnace

But only romance in the Peach Blossom Retreat.

On reaching Sai’er’s door, He Zhengyin coughed significantly and shouted, “Anyone home?”

As a beautiful young woman emerged from the portiere, He Zhengyin saw that it was Sai’er. With a deep bow, he said, “I’m He Zhengyin, priest of Xuanwu Temple. Last night, the Lord on High appeared to me in a dream and said to me, ‘A Miss Tang will be the rightful leader of this locality. Your job is to help her. You may go without delay to explain the divine book to her and make her grand plan a success.’ ”

Partly because these words struck a chord as she recalled her dream, partly because Zhengyin was attired in exactly the same way as the priest of her dream, and partly because she was impressed by his prepossessing exterior and his look of intelligence, she said with delight, “Your Reverence, you do indeed possess divine power. On my way back from a burial the other day, I did find a stone box containing a suit of armor, a double-edged sword, and a divine book that I’m unable to decipher. Please enlighten me, Your Reverence. Let me take you inside and show the book to you.” Whereupon she ushered He Zhengyin into the main hall, offered him a seat, and went to ask Mrs. Shen over to keep her company. (MC: At this point, she was still concerned about proper decorum.) Then she hurried into the kitchen, made three cups of high-grade tea, and carried them out on a tray.

The sight of her snow-white hands stirred the lust in Zhengyin. “My hostess doesn’t have to serve the tea herself !” said he.

“But in my reduced circumstances, my maids have all deserted me, so I have no one to help me.”

“If you want page boys, I can give you two of mine. I can also get you an older maidservant to help you out in the inner part of the house.” Then, taking note of Mrs. Shen’s presence, he thought, “No procuress doesn’t love money. If I throw a few taels of silver her way, she’ll surely become a loyal servant at my beck and call.” He produced a ten-tael ingot of silver and handed it to Sai’er, saying, “This is for Mr. and Mrs. Shen, to get you a maidservant as soon as possible. If this isn’t enough, I’ll bring more money tomorrow. Just be sure to get a good one. Money isn’t an issue.”

“No, it’s not necessary!” said Sai’er.

“Take it for now,” put in Mrs. Shen. “I’ll go find one for you.”

And so Sai’er took the silver and went inside, where she lit an incense stick for the occasion. Then she took out the divine book and showed it to He Zhengyin. Inscribed in gold in the seal style, it was a divine book of military strategies.

Having once prepared himself for the civil service examinations in his early youth, Zhengyin was something of a scholar. As the meaning of the poem began to dawn on him, he asked, “Do you know what it says, madam?”

“No, I don’t,” replied Sai’er.

“The first line begins with ‘Tang,’ your surname. The second and the third lines begin with the initials of your given name. The last line begins with the word ‘successfully,’ which means you will be successful in your great undertaking.”

These comments hit home. Her ambition raising its head, Sai’er said, “Please help me, Your Reverence. I’ll never forget you if I succeed.”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been hoping for, but you shouldn’t have put it like that.” Then he went on to say, “The divine book is not to be treated lightly. It can teach how to make sand and stones fly, drive away tigers and leopards, and produce soldiers and horses out of thin air. If you and I practice these skills in the daytime, word will get out. That’s not the way to go. And, being a priest, I can’t very well come and go during the day. A better option is for me to change into lay clothes and come here to practice at night. (MC: Zhengyin is dead set on coming at night. Practicing the skills is not necessarily what he’s after.) I’ll return to my temple at daybreak. When we’ve mastered the skills, we’ll have no one to fear!”

Sai’er and Mrs. Shen said in unison, “Your Reverence’s advice is most wise.”

Already taking a fancy to the man and eager to get started, Sai’er said, “Let’s not drag our feet. How about starting no later than tonight?”

“All right. I’ll go back to my temple to make preparations and return here by nightfall.”

As Sai’er and Mrs. Shen walked him to the door, Sai’er enjoined him again, “I’ll be waiting for you. Don’t fail me.”

On returning to the temple, Zhengyin said to his disciples, “I’m more than halfway there. I’ll be able to pull the whole thing off this very evening. Now, Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu, you two dress yourselves as servants, and once you’re at her home, be alert and do whatever you think is best under the circumstances.” Then he took out about ten taels of loose silver and divided the pieces between the two.

In a burst of joy, the two disciples gathered their things together and went to Sai’er’s house. On reaching the door, they cried out, “Anyone home?”

Knowing they must be Zhengyin’s men, Sai’er said, “Come in!”

Once in the main hall, they put down their luggage and fell to their knees in front of Sai’er. “Madam, please accept a kowtow from us, Dong Xiao’er and Wang Xiaoyu!”

Pleased by the two young men’s humility and good looks, Sai’er said, “Aya! You need not do this. You’re sent by His Reverence and therefore no different from members of our family.”

She led them to a small room next to the kitchen. The two young men cleaned it up, got their beds ready, picked up a basket and steelyard, and went to the market to buy the usual fare of chicken, goose, fish, pork, fresh fruit, and pastries with their own money. On seeing them return with so much food, Sai’er addressed Tianran, “You are my houseguests. How can I let you spend your own money?”

Tianran replied, “It’s nothing much. This is what His Reverence told us to do.” (MC: Zhengyin is an experienced adulterer.) Then they brought in wine and went into the kitchen to prepare a meal. Whenever they needed oil, soy sauce, and firewood, they asked “Madam” for them, but otherwise she did not have to lift a finger.

When the afternoon was far advanced, He Zhengyin changed into lay clothing and a scholar’s cap and went to the Shen residence to ask Mr. and Mrs. Shen to go over to Sai’er’s place for dinner. Then he gave twenty taels of silver to Mr. Shen, saying, “I’ll need all the help I can get from you two. I’ll surely have handsome rewards for you.”

Mrs. and Mrs. Shen caught on to his meaning. They thought, “This filthy priest is up to something. He must have taken a fancy to Sai’er and wants us to give him a hand. Earlier in the day, that woman was flirtatious enough, using her charms on him and hardly able to control herself. Even if we don’t say yes to him, the two of them will do it on their own while they practice at night. So we might as well do him a favor and make some money out of it.” (MC: Yes, they might as well make some easy money.)

Out loud, they said to Zhengyin, “Your Reverence, don’t you worry! Sai’er has lost her husband, (MC: Exactly the point!) and she doesn’t have any relatives. We’re her closest friends. We’ll serve you in any way we can. Just don’t forget us.” So He Zhengyin made a vow to heaven, assuring them of his sincerity.

When dusk fell, all three of them went to Sai’er’s home. After the door was closed and they sat down in the main hall with Sai’er in attendance, Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu set out some refreshments and dishes and warmed some wine. Zhengyin asked Mr. Shen to take the seat for the guest of honor, Mrs. Shen and Sai’er to take the hostesses’ seats, and he himself took the seat across from them. Mr. Shen demurred, but Zhengyin urged him, “Please don’t decline,” whereupon everyone sat down in proper order. Between sips of wine, Mr. and Mrs. Shen took turns singing Priest He’s praises while throwing in some lewd comments to arouse Sai’er. (MC: The twenty taels of silver at work.) As Sai’er held her peace, Zhengyin thought, “This isn’t going badly, but I still need a surefire plan to get where I want to go.” Then an idea came to him. In point of fact, He Zhengyin’s endowment was of a goodly size. He thought, “If I don’t show it to her, how will she be aroused?”

It being the fifteenth or sixteenth night of the lunar month, the moon was shining as bright as day. Priest He said, “What a beautiful moon we’re having tonight! Why don’t we take a little walk outside?” And so everyone went out into the courtyard and stood in the shadows to view the moon. Seeing his chance, the priest went to a moonlit spot by the fence and, making as if he needed to relieve himself, held his male member with one hand and began to urinate. From her spot in the shadows, Sai’er saw his sizable equipment all too clearly. Having abstained for quite some time since her husband’s death, she found herself on fire. How she wished she could snap it up!

Not knowing what further move to make, Priest He stifled his desires and asked all to return to their seats. In the course of the conversation, the two of them threw each other a significant glance one moment, stole a look at each other the next, and turned aside with a furtive smile from time to time. (MC: A vivid description of lovers flirting with each other.) Feigning squeamishness, Priest He pressed his hand against his abdomen and cried, “Oh no!”

Taking the hint, Mr. Shen said, “Since Your Reverence isn’t feeling well, let’s call it a day. Your Reverence can take a rest here in the hall. We’ll come to see you tomorrow.” They then said good-bye and departed. So much for them for now.

After walking Mr. and Mrs. Shen out, Sai’er hastily closed the door, offered Priest He a few comforting words, and continued, “I’m off to my bedroom. I’ll be back soon.”

She went straight to her bedroom, took off her clothes, and climbed into bed, leaving her door open for the priest. Sure enough, Priest He followed closely on her heels, entered her room, and, falling to his knees, said, “Please have pity on this humble priest for giving you offense! I deserve the death sentence!”

Sai’er said with a grin, “You filthy priest! No more of your pretenses at humility! Go bolt the door before coming to talk with me!” (MC: Why does she make no mention of their practice session and start from there? This goes to show that the affair will not come to a proper end either.)

Eagerly, Zhengyin bolted the door, shed his clothes, and climbed into bed, calling her “Empress” over and over again. As the poem says,

With embroidered pillows and mandarin duck quilts,

The bed in the jade tower is a source of joy.

While the lovers’ dream lasts tonight,

The silver lamp may not burn for long.

After cavorting with each other and whispering honeyed words to each other by the pillows, they hated to get out of bed even when it was already broad daylight. (MC: No practice session took place that night.) Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu had risen bright and early and prepared water for them to wash their faces with and cooked breakfast. Only then did Zhengyin rise. He dressed, tucked the quilt around Sai’er’s shoulders, and told her to sleep some more. As soon as he opened the door, he saw Tianran approaching him, carrying a tray with two bowls of breakfast soup. Zhengyin transferred one of the bowls to the table and, holding the other in his hands, walked to Sai’er’s bedside, saying, “Empress, have some soup.”

With girlish petulance, she raised her head, swallowed two mouthfuls, and pushed the bowl toward Zhengyin, who also ate a few mouthfuls. At this point, Tianran entered the room, took the bowls away, and closed the door behind him.

“What a good companion!” commented Sai’er. “He’s so good at getting things done.”

“The cook is my servant, and this one is my trusted disciple. I brought them here expressly to serve you.”

“It’s quite a job for them!” said Sai’er.

After stalling for a while longer, she also got out of bed, at which point Tianran entered with a washbowl and called out, “Madam, here’s water for you to wash your face with.”

Sai’er took off the clothes she had thrown over her shoulders, washed her face, and did her hair. Zhengyin also washed up and did his hair. When Tianran asked Sai’er to go to the breakfast table, Zhengyin said, “Bring Mr. and Mrs. Shen in from next door to share the breakfast with us.”

And so Mr. and Mrs. Shen came over to eat breakfast with them. Mr. Shen said, “Your Reverence, you’d better not go out. There are too many prying eyes around here. If people see you leave here without having seen you come, they’ll get suspicious. Why don’t you stay here for one more night? You can leave first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Good idea,” said Sai’er. And this coincided precisely with Zhengyin’s own wishes. Mr. and Mrs. Shen then took their leave and returned home.

Let us skip irrelevant details and speak of the practice of black magic. Every night, Zhengyin came to practice with Sai’er and left at daybreak, and they mastered the skills before two months were out. (MC: How do they manage to have any surplus energy for the practice sessions?) Sai’er cut some paper soldiers and horses to try out her skills and was able to change them into what looked like real humans and horses. They bowed in gratitude to heaven and earth and began to talk about rising in rebellion.

Somehow, the neighbors heard about the affair between Sai’er and Priest He. Some troublemakers plotted to hit them up for money. There is a poem about such good-for-nothings:

Every day they spread nets for fish and shrimp;

They spend all their time on streets of ill repute.

Last night, they got themselves drunk on credit;

Today, they earn tips at the Li Family Brothel.

The ringleader was Ma Shou. There were also a Fu Xing, a Niu Xiaochun, and a few others. These idlers made a living by looking for trouble on the streets so as to hit people up for money. Ma Shou, believing he was the first one to hear about the affair, said to Fuxing and Niu Xiaochun when he ran into them, “Do you know about the fine thing going on next door to Mr. Shen’s tofu shop?”

Fuxing replied, “Yes, we’ve known about this for several days now.”

“Let’s catch them in the act!” said Ma Shou. (MC: An idler getting meddlesome.) “There’s quite a bit of money to be made. What do you say?”

Niu Xiaochun said, “In fact, we were on the point of coming to you for guidance.”

“This is indeed a good opportunity, but there’s one difficulty: That swine of a priest is no pushover. He’s flush with cash, and he has four disciples. Mr. and Mrs. Shen take money from that scoundrel and cover his tracks. With so many accomplices, they’ll be hard to catch. If we bungle the job, we’ll not only get nothing but also put ourselves in harm’s way and make fools of ourselves.”

“That’s no big deal,” said Niu Xiaochun. “We’ll just get more people on board.”

Ma Shou continued, “That’s an idea, but more important, we need a place to stay. As I see it, it would be best if we could stay with Chen Lin, who lives only about ten doors from Tang Sai’er. Little Niu can go now to tell Thrower Shi, Slippery An, Crooked Mouth Chu, and Lazy Zhu to gather at Chen Lin’s home tomorrow. I’ll go myself to see Chen Lin.” And so they went their separate ways.

Let us follow Ma Shou as he went to Shilin Street to see Chen Lin. From afar, he saw Chen Lin standing at his own door. When he drew near Chen Lin, he bowed deeply. Chen Lin hastened to return the courtesy. After inviting Ma Shou into the house and offering him the seat of honor, Chen Lin said, “I haven’t seen you for quite some time. Now that you do me such honor, there must be something I can do for you.”

Thereupon, Ma Shou apprised him fully of the plan to catch Tang Sai’er in an act of adultery and for their friends to stay at his home.

“No problem!” said Chen Lin. “There’s one thing, though. An act of adultery is done under the quilt, and Mr. and Mrs. Shen are helping them out. We can only do our thing outside. How are we going to catch that Priest He? I have an idea. When Wang Yuanchun was alive, he and I were sworn brothers, and our two families were very close. After he died, I went to his funeral. So tomorrow, I’ll have my wife pay Sai’er a visit. If Priest He isn’t there, we’ll call off the job and wait for another time. If he is there, my wife will give us a signal to go in together. We’ll close the front door first so as not to make too much noise and end up giving the credit to someone else. After we catch them, all will be well if they do as we say. If not, we’ll march the two of them to the county yamen and accuse them of the crime even if they’re innocent. What do you think of my idea?”

“It’s wonderful!” said Ma Shou.

They bade each other good-bye. After walking Ma Shou out the door, Chen Lin promptly went back inside to tell his wife, née Qian, about it. Qian-shi said, “I heard everything from behind the screen. You don’t need to say another word. I’ll surely go tomorrow.” Nothing more transpired that night.

The next day, Chen Lin rose and went out to buy two food boxes, one for meats and the other for vegetables. As a matter of precaution, Qian-shi did not go out of her way to dress up for the occasion. At the appointed time, Ma Shou and his cohorts went, one after another, to hole up at Chen Lin’s house. Qian-shi, for her part, left the house at Chen Lin’s order. That day, Mr. Shen happened to have gone out of town, to collect debts from villagers, and Mrs. Shen was not there either. With a page boy following behind, carrying the food boxes, Qian-shi went straight to Sai’er’s house. Since there was no one to stop her, she tiptoed all the way to the bedroom. (MC: Why didn’t they close the gate? Such carelessness is probably due to their confidence in their black magic.) There, she saw Sai’er and Priest He sitting inside, talking. Sai’er saw Qian-shi before he did. She rushed toward Qian-shi, staggering in her haste, and greeted the intruder. Feigning ignorance of what was going on, Qian-shi also saluted Priest He with a curtsy. The priest quickly returned the greeting.

Blushing furiously, Sai’er pointed to Priest He and said with labored breathing, her tongue dry and her voice hoarse, “This is my consanguineous cousin. He joined the Daoist order early in his childhood and is here today to pay me a visit. To what do I owe the honor of this visit, madam?”

Before the words were quite out of her mouth, the page boy with the load of food boxes entered.

Qian-shi said to Sai’er, “I brought some dates for you, to go with tea.” She then told Sai’er to empty the boxes and the page boy to go home. While Sai’er was too busy emptying the boxes to keep an eye on Qian-shi, the latter walked to the door and shot out her lips as a signal to Chen Lin before hastening back inside.

Thereupon, Chen Lin ordered his followers to go into action. They swarmed into the bedroom and bolted the door, ready to pounce on Priest He and Sai’er. Little did they know that the two of them, aided by their newly acquired black magic, had disappeared from view. With their vision blurred, they seized Qian-shi instead and shouted, “Get us ropes! Let’s truss up the filthy whore first!” They threw her to the floor without knowing that the woman they had called a whore was Qian-shi. (MC: Mistaken identities never fail to draw a laugh.) As a matter of fact, they had seen Qian-shi only once, earlier that morning, and not clearly enough at that.

As Qian-shi screamed, “I’m Chen Lin’s wife,” a dismayed Chen Lin pushed through the crowd and yelled, “You’ve got the wrong woman!” By the time he helped her up, she was already a mess, her hair all loose and disheveled.

The men cried out, aghast, “This is impossible! We did see Sai’er and Priest He here. How did they manage to disappear?” In fact, the two of them knew the trick of body concealment. The men had seen no sign of them, but they had been watching the men milling around in a state of confusion, much to their inner amusement. (MC: If this suffices to amuse them, why rebel?)

At Niu Xiaochun’s suggestion that they search everywhere, the men began to search throughout the house and seized Dong Tianran in the kitchen and Wang Xiaoyu in the firewood room. They tied up the two men with rope and strung them up from the post by the door. “Who are you?” they asked.

Dong Tianran replied, “We’re His Reverence’s servants.”

“Where are the priest and Sai’er hiding? Out with it, now! If you tell the truth, we won’t hold anything against you. If not, we’ll send you to the yamen and leave you there to be beaten.”

“We just work in the kitchen,” said Dong Tianran. “Who are we to know what happens elsewhere in the house?”

The men said, “But they have nowhere to go. They must still be hiding in the house.”

Little Niu said, “There’s a dark attic in one corner of the house. Could they be hiding up there? Let me get a ladder and climb up to take a look.”

On hearing that Little Niu was about to climb up to the attic, He Zhengyin picked up a cudgel and hunkered down to wait in the darkness of the attic. Little Niu placed a ladder beneath the attic and climbed up, but before he had gained the third rung, Zhengyin struck him right on his head. Knocked senseless, Little Niu fell from the ladder. As Zhengyin stood watching from midair, Little Niu came to and cried, “Oh horrors! There’s a demon spirit around!” The men raised Little Niu and saw that his face was dripping with blood. (MC: Comic.)

“This isn’t a tall ladder, and you were only two rungs up. Why are you so badly hurt?”

“Luckily, I had climbed only two rungs,” said Little Niu. “I was hit right on the head by a cudgel, but I didn’t see anyone. Wasn’t that strange?” The men were all equally mystified.

Qian-shi said, “I noticed two paper windows next to the bed, with a vacant space in between. Could there be a hiding place beyond the windows? I can take you there to search.”

On hearing this, Zhengyin held his cudgel and waited there, as before. When he saw Qian-shi leading Chen Lin and the other men marching in, he thought, “The cudgel will be too much for that woman.” As Qian-shi neared him, he stretched out his large hand, with fingers splayed, and struck her across the face.

“Aya!” screamed Qian-shi. “It’s horrible!” Her nose began to bleed profusely, and golden stars danced before her eyes. Luckily, Chen Lin propped her up from behind, so she did not collapse.

“How very strange!” said Chen Lin. “I did see a hand striking her, but I didn’t see the owner of the hand. That filthy priest must be a sorcerer. Let’s stop wasting our time here and take the two page boys to the county yamen!” (MC: Words of the older and wiser.)

His followers said, “Some demon spirit has been playing pranks on us for so long that we’re hungry now. Let’s cook something and eat before we take them to the authorities.”

“Right you are,” said Chen Lin.

In spite of her pain, Qian-shi measured out rice and went into the kitchen to prepare a meal. Thrower Shi said, “Little Niu is badly hurt. Let me go cook the meal.” In the kitchen, he saw two jars of fine wine by the tea brewer and a few chickens in front of the stove. “Why don’t we kill the chickens and cook them?” (MC: His petty acquisitiveness is going to cost them dearly.)

When he was about to wash the rice and start cooking, Sai’er said to Zhengyin, “You had your fun with them twice. Let me also have some fun in my gentle way.”

“What’s a gentle way?”

“Let me show you.”

While tending to the fire as Qian-shi was cooking, Thrower Shi killed two chickens, washed them clean, and cooked them in a pot. When the rice was almost done, Sai’er scooped up some ash along with some chicken droppings, stirred the mixture evenly into the rice, and covered the rice pot again. When the chicken pot came to a boil, Sai’er threw a few ladlefuls of water onto the kitchen fire and doused it. Thrower Shi knew nothing about what was happening under the pot as he busied himself with the chores. At this point, some of the men were sitting in the main hall, and some were rummaging in the bedroom for valuables. Thrower Shi carried the two jars of fine wine out of the kitchen, opened the clay seals, and ladled out one bowl for Chen Lin first.

“Why should I be the first to drink?” asked Chen Lin.

“Just take a sip, please,” insisted Shi as he offered the bowl to Chen Lin again. This time, Chen Lin took it. Then Thrower Shi ladled out a bowl for Ma Shou.

Addressing Thrower Shi, Chen Lin said, “You drink one bowl yourself.”

Thrower Shi ladled out another bowlful of wine and was about to drink from it when Sai’er knocked the bowl from his hands, smashing it. (MC: Comic.) As Sai’er moved aside, the three men exclaimed, “How strange! This must be another trick of that filthy priest’s. Let’s stop drinking and save the wine until everyone else is here.”

Since she was invisible to the men, Sai’er went to her room again and took out a chamber pot, emptied half the urine into each jar, and put the lids back on the two jars. None of those present were any the wiser.

“The chickens must be done,” said the men. “Let’s take them out, cut them up, and enjoy them with the wine.”

Thrower Shi raised the lid of the pot and found the two chickens still only about half cooked and the broth not boiling. The other men said reproachfully, “You didn’t tend to the fire, which is why the chickens aren’t ready yet.”

Thrower Shi protested, “I did let the broth boil for a while, and I added a lot of firewood. I didn’t leave until the fire was going well. I wonder why the broth stopped boiling.” So saying, he bent down to check the fire and found only water in the stove. Even the pilot flame was gone. “Who put the fire out with water?” asked Thrower Shi.

“Can’t be one of us!” said the men. “It must be that swine of a priest, up to his tricks again. Let’s just take whatever meat there is in the kitchen and cut it into slices to go with the wine!”

After the men sat down in order of precedence, Thrower Shi came in with two flasks, to fill them with wine from the two jars. It would have been all right if he had not done so, but he did, and the jars, once opened, emitted the foul smell of urine.

Chen Lin said, “When the three of us drank from the jars, the wine was fragrant. Why has it turned into this? One of you must have stolen a few drinks from the jars, and then, afraid that we’d notice the difference, you tried to add water and, in your haste, poured in urine instead.” A commotion ensued.

Sai’er and Zhengyin abandoned themselves to mirth. Sai’er said to Zhengyin, “Those two who have been tied to the post the whole day must be hungry by now. While the others are still in the hall, let me offer them some refreshments.” She also picked up some loose pieces of silver for them. When she reached the post, she whispered into Tianran’s ear, “Don’t panic. If you’re taken to the authorities, just tell the truth. Don’t try to deny anything, for you’ll only get yourself beaten. I’ll come and rescue you. Here’s some food and silver for you.”

Tianran said, “We’ll look to you, ma’am, to save our lives.” At this point, Sai’er took her departure.

The men in the hall said, “So the wine is undrinkable. What a let-down! Oh well, let’s just grab something to eat and be done with it.”

Accordingly, Thrower Shi went into the kitchen to get the rice, but it turned out to be all black and gave out such a stench that it was quite an assault on the nostrils, as it would be on the palate. “This must be another of that evil priest’s tricks. That cursed swine has been pushing us around long enough. Let’s take those two urine pots to the county yamen! (MC: “Urine pots” is quite an original epithet for the two page boys who serve at the priest’s pleasure.) The yamen will surely dispatch officers to get the two adulterers.” So saying, they opened the gate and went out.

The commotion inside the house having been going on for some time, a crowd of spectators, male and female, old and young, had gathered on the street, eager to watch an operation against adulterers. On seeing two pretty boys, both tied with rope, being marched out of the house and Chen Lin’s wife following behind, the spectators thought they were looking at the culprits. They picked up bricks and clods of earth from the ground and, raising mighty shouts, hurled them at Qian-shi and the two page boys. (MC: Another case of mistaken identity. Funny.) In the heat of the moment, no word of explanation would work. Qian-shi’s head was covered with bumps and bruises. Once she was extricated from the mob, she showed a clean pair of heels.

The procession left Shilin Street and headed straight for the county yamen. The magistrate happened to be in late session. After the roll call was finished, everyone approached him on bent knees to state the case. They gave a complete account of Mr. Shen’s tricks, the adultery between Sai’er and Zhengyin, and how their black magic had wreaked havoc in the area. (MC: What havoc did they wreak in the area? Didn’t the men drive them into a corner? If they wreaked havoc, it was because they were left with no other choice. This is true of most rebels.) They added, “The two main culprits are at large. We’ve brought here only the two accessories, Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu.”

The magistrate addressed Dong and Wang, “Tell the truth and I won’t have you beaten.”

Dong Tianran said, “There’s no need to beat us. I’ll tell the truth and won’t hide anything.”

After Dong Tianran told the truth, sparing no detail, the magistrate announced to everyone, “The two adulterers must still be hiding at the woman’s home.” Right away, he ordered the chief arresting officers Lü Shan and Xia Sheng to lead a thousand soldiers, with Chen Lin and his followers in tow, to arrest the main culprits. (MC: The magistrate is too meddlesome.) The two page boys were sent to the county jail for the time being.

Day had given way to evening when Lü Shan left the gate of the county yamen, bearing the magistrate’s command. Consulting his followers, he said, “I know this is an urgent case, but if we knock at their door at this hour, we’ll only put them on alert and let them escape. If so, what are we going to say to the magistrate? A better option is to not alarm them for now but stake out the house and get them tomorrow morning.”

“Good idea,” conceded everyone.

Chen Lin and his men invited Lü Shan and Xia Sheng to a restaurant that they often patronized, bought some wine and food on credit, and finished their meal before proceeding to Sai’er’s house for the stakeout. They did not breathe even a word to Mr. Shen, afraid that he might give them away.

Let us now turn our attention to the priest’s other disciple, Yao Xuyu, and his other page boy, Meng Qing.5 Having heard rumors about their master’s trouble with the law, they went to Sai’er’s house for information. Since all the men were now out of sight, Sai’er asked the visitors who they were and, on learning that they were from Zhengyin’s temple, let them in and closed the door. She returned to her room to put things back in order while the page boy went to the kitchen to cook supper. Sai’er said to Zhengyin, “That gang of good-for-nothings went to the county yamen to report us. The yamen will surely dispatch officers to get us. You and I can’t just resign ourselves to death. I’m going to make some preparations and move in for the kill when they come, and when they do, woe to the luckless!” Having said that, she started preparing her magic formulas, paper soldiers and horses, banners, and other accessories. That done, she and the priest retired for the night.

The next morning, after they rose, washed, did their hair, and ate breakfast, they told Meng Qing to open the door. The moment he did so, Lü Shan and his followers came charging into the yard. Meng Qing promptly turned on his heel and rushed inside, screaming as he ran along. Chuckling at the sight of officers here to arrest her, Sai’er produced more than twenty paper soldiers and horses, tossed them into the air, and cried, “Change!” Before everyone’s eyes, the paper soldiers changed into men of towering build. Lances or swords in hand, they stormed out of the house. As Yao Xuyu waved a small black flag as she had ordered, a streak of black vapor rolled out of her bedroom. The unsuspecting Lü Shan and Xia Sheng were still busily urging their men on, but in a trice, the black vapor engulfed all of them. While the officers were invisible, Sai’er, putting the martial arts she had learned from her deceased husband, Wang Yuanchun, to good use, wielded her sword and chopped off their heads one after another. Appalled by this ugly turn of events, the men turned tail and ran for dear life. Those in the front were able to escape unscathed, but those behind, unable to outrun the ones ahead of them, came to grief. Sai’er said, “I might as well go through with this and finish them off !” So saying, she let herself go and slashed her way forward. Zhengyin also beat quite a few men to death with his cudgel. Then Sai’er gave chase to those who thought they had made it out of harm’s way and, raising a mighty war cry, pressed on toward Shilin Bridge.

Seeing that the fleeing men were already far in the distance, Sai’er called off the chase when she reached the bridge. Turning back, she said to Zhengyin, “Those we killed are dead and gone, all right, but those who survived will surely go and report to the magistrate, who will surely raise an army against us. What better time than this to rebel?” (MC: Sai’er is ruthless but capable.)

She donned her armor, conjured up two to three hundred horsemen and, raising her seven-star banner high, began to draft new recruits. She had her men shout, “Those wishing to join the army are welcome to share the county treasury with us!” (MC: Good recruiting method.) Residents of the area, far and near, had all heard about how Sai’er had used black magic in the events of the previous day. Now that her ranks had swelled, they were convinced that she was due for a rise in the world. Local people as well as out-of-towners who found themselves in desperate situations came to join her ranks. Four powerful men in the region—Fang Da, Kang Zhao, Ma Xiaoliang, and Dai Deru—took the lead and gathered two to three thousand men behind them. They took two fine horses by force from somewhere and offered them to Sai’er and Zhengyin. With gongs and drums clanging and thumping, they marched belligerently to the county yamen.

On hearing from those who had gotten out that Sai’er had killed many officers, Magistrate Shi immediately called on the docket officer for a consultation, but while they were talking, Sai’er and her men stormed into the yamen and seized the magistrate and the chief of police. Then they opened the treasury and distributed the gold and silver. Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu, as well as all other detainees, were released from the jailhouse. About seventy to eighty men volunteered to join the rebels. By late afternoon, four bandits—Zheng Guan, Wang Xian, Zhang Tianlu, and Zhu Hong—came, bringing more than two thousand underlings and forty or fifty fine horses. Sai’er’s heart leaped for joy.

Zheng Guan, a master of martial arts as well as a strategist, said respectfully to Sai’er, “This is a small coastal county in a far-flung corner of the empire. If we stay holed up here, the imperial court will mobilize a mighty army, and they’ll block our access to Qingzhou. With no replenishment of funds and provisions, we’ll die of starvation without even putting up a fight. Now, the prefectural seat of Qingzhou is a densely populated city with ample funds and provisions. To its south is the strategic town of East Xuzhou, and to its north, it controls access to the Sea of Bohai, so it can serve as a good base from which to launch battles and is quite defensible, too. Speed is crucial in warfare. News of your conquest of Laiyang County won’t reach Qingzhou in one day’s time. You can take this opportunity to attack the Qingzhou prefectural seat tonight. Thus, we’ll be able to stay there for a while and build up our strength before we move on to dominate the region.”

“That’s a brilliant idea!” said Sai’er. She rewarded all four of them with two ingots of silver and four lengths of fabric each, appointed them commanders, and said, “After Qingzhou is taken, you’ll be promoted and assigned to key positions.”

Sai’er went to a back room, called out Magistrate Shi and Officer Xu, and said, addressing the magistrate, “Since the prefect is a close relative of yours, why don’t you write him a letter for me? Just say that this county is too small for me. I need to go east to take Wenshang County, and the prefectural seat lies on my way. In order to prepare against anything untoward, you’ll order Officer Xu to lead three hundred soldiers and help with the defense.” (MC: Sai’er is such a good strategist. Heaven is aiding her.) If you write this for me, I’ll provide you with more than enough travel money and escort you and your whole family back to your hometown.”

The magistrate refused at first but then yielded to Sai’er’s coercion and wrote the letter. Sai’er had a clerk of the county garrison make this private note into an official document and impress the county seal on the sealing wax. Next, she sent Magistrate Shi and Officer Xu back to the yamen to be put under house arrest. Then she ordered the fierce warriors Fang Da, Kang Zhao, Ma Xiaoliang, and Da Deru to lead three thousand men each and march quietly to Mancao Hill in Qingzhou before the night was out. Their assignment was to wait there for the signal of a cannon shot and then go to the east gate of Qingzhou to provide support. She found a soldier who bore a strong resemblance to Officer Xu, put the latter’s official gauze hat and crew-neck robe on him, and told him to await further instructions from her. A group of daredevil men who had recently joined her ranks was ordered to assist Zhengyin in defending Laiyang County. She also personally picked three hundred crack troops and ordered Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu to command Zheng Guan and his three companions. After treating all to wine and food, she donned full armor, mounted her horse, and led her troops on their night march.

When they arrived at the eastern gate of the Qingzhou prefectural seat, the first faint glow of dawn had just begun to light the eastern sky, and the city gate remained closed. Sai’er had one of her men raise the scroll of the official document and shout to the guards on top of the wall, “We’re sent by the Laiyang County police to deliver a document!”

Right away, the guards let down a basket. The scroll was deposited in it, and the basket was raised up again. On recognizing Officer Xu, the guards made haste to deliver the scroll to the prefectural yamen, where Wen Zhang, the prefect, was at his desk. The guard carrying the scroll approached the bench on his knees and presented the document. On opening the scroll, the prefect found the seal and the handwriting to be genuine. With not a suspicion in mind, he said to the guard, “Let Officer Xu come in first. Tell all the other soldiers to stay outside the city gate for the time being.”

Thus ordered, the chief guard opened the gate, announcing, “By the prefect’s order, only Officer Xu will be let in, but not the others.”

One of Sai’er’s men replied, at her order, “We’ve been marching all night. We’re hungry. Why can’t we go into the city and find something to eat?”

As all three hundred of them forced their way through the gate, the five or six guards could hardly be expected to block their advance. Once they cleared the gate, they replaced the guards with their own men. As a cannon thundered, the men from Mancao Hill poured into the city and filled the streets and alleys. With lightning speed, Sai’er led her three hundred men into the prefectural yamen, where the unsuspecting prefect was still sitting in the hall, waiting for Officer Xu. Seeing that things had taken such an ugly turn, he stood up to go, but Fang Da ran up and slashed the prefect with his sword. Wounded on the shoulder, the prefect fell down. While he was writhing on the floor, Fang Da swung his sword again and beheaded him. The prefect’s head in hand, Fang Da roared, “Don’t move!” Frightened out of their wits, all the yamen employees fell to their knees. Kang Zhao and his men barged into the prefect’s private quarters but were able to seize only two beautiful concubines and three servants and their wives—eight in all. The vice prefect and the assistant prefect had scaled the fence and fled. Sai’er put up a notice to reassure the public and prohibited anyone from taking captives or looting property. She then opened the government granary for the poor and attempted to raise an army. All her followers, regardless of rank, received rewards according to their merit. As she had promised, County Magistrate Shi and Officer Xu of Laiyang were set free along with their families. Terrified, they fled with all the haste they could muster, but of them, no more.

Now, Wang Xian, one of the four commanders, captured two beautiful women and a young man, eighteen or nineteen years of age, who was even more striking in his looks than the two women. As he offered the young man to Sai’er, she asked, “Where did you get them?”

“I got them from the Xiaos’ yarn shop on Xiaoshun Street. The older girl is called Chunfang, the younger one, her sister, is called Xixi. The young man, their brother, is called Xiao Shao.”

Sai’er gave the older girl to Wang Xian as his wife, by way of rewarding him for his service. Xiao Shao captured her fancy. Wishing to have him for herself, she said to him, “Your two sisters will be my personal attendants, and I’ll take good care of you.” After assigning the prefect’s beautiful concubines Zilan and Xiangjiao to Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu respectively, she took Xiao Shao to her own quarters to retire for the night. (MC: Little does she know that this is the root of disaster. This goes to show that lust can kill, and this applies to women as well as men.) As for Xiao Shao, being in the first flush of youth and a little in awe of her, he tried his very best to play up to her and please her in every way. Radiant with her triumph, Sai’er grew so infatuated with him that she could not bear to be so much as a step away from him. He Zhengyin had completely faded from her thoughts.

Now, in the prefecture, there was a top-level official, head of the registry, by the name of Zhou Xiong. He had fled the yamen while his family members were being kept inside under house arrest. After spending a few days in hiding, he gave up. For the sake of his family, he went to surrender himself to Sai’er, feigning sincerity. (MC: A remarkable man.) Bowing deeply to Sai’er, he said, “This humble official used to be head of the county registry. Since you, madam, took over Laiyang County and Qingzhou Prefecture, your love for the troops and civilians has won everyone’s heart. You’ll surely accomplish great things. I’ve decided to forsake darkness for light. Out of gratitude to you for sparing my family members’ lives, I’ll spare no effort to be of service to you.”

Since he claimed to have family members still in the yamen, Sai’er let her guard down halfway, if she had even been on guard to begin with, and consulted Registrar Zhou on matters concerning the defense of the prefecture and plans to capture neighboring counties. Registrar Zhou said, “This prefecture is north of Teng County and south of Linhai Garrison, both serving as gateways to Qingzhou. If you don’t take Teng County and Linhai, it will be as if you’re living in a house with no doors. How will you be able to defend the prefecture? To tell you the truth, Magistrate Xu of Teng County is a cousin of mine. I’ll surely be able to talk him into surrendering. If Teng County is won over, Linhai will surely be as weakened as if it had lost an arm. It won’t be able to hold out.”

“If so, I’ll share all the riches and power with you after we make a success of it,” said Sai’er. “I’ll take good care of your family members here. You needn’t worry.”

“We have no time to lose,” said Registrar Zhou. “Otherwise, he may do something preemptive.”

Promptly, Sai’er gave him a fine horse and several followers to escort him out of the yamen.

And so Registrar Zhou went to Teng County and saw Magistrate Xu. Startled on seeing the registrar, Magistrate Xu asked, “How did you manage to escape and come here?”

After Registrar Zhou told him about feigning sincerity in surrendering to Sai’er and how Sai’er had sent him to talk the magistrate into surrendering, the magistrate said, “You and I may be feigning, but the imperial court will not take the matter lightly.”

“Let’s talk Commander Dai of the Linhai Garrison into surrendering with us. But in the meantime, we’ll report the matter to the pacification commissioners and work out a plan to capture Sai’er. After we take back the territories, we won’t be held responsible.”

Without a moment’s delay, Magistrate Xu sent for Commander Dai. After the three of them reached agreement on a plan to fake surrender, Magistrate Xu said, “Let’s prepare some congratulatory gifts of meat and wine and offer them to her but tell her that we must not leave our duty stations, lest something untoward happens.” (MC: Perceptive.)

When Registrar Zhou led a gift-bearing procession to see Sai’er and presented her with a letter of surrender, Sai’er read the letter, accepted the gifts, and, although she lacked the authority to do so, promoted Magistrate Xu to prefect and Commander Dai to regional commander and ordered them to guard the areas under their jurisdiction, as before.

On seeing notification of his promotion, Commander Dai went to see Magistrate Xu and said, “Sai’er must be suspicious of us. What looks like a promotion is in fact meant to strip us of real power.”

“Don’t you have a troupe of young entertainers in your garrison?” asked the magistrate. “Why don’t you offer them to Sai’er as a thank-you gift? They can work for us on the inside.” (MC: The young entertainers will be quite useful in this secondary role!)

“Wonderful!” exclaimed Commander Dai. On returning to his yamen, he summoned Wang Jiaolian, a female attendant, and Chen Yin’er, head of the entertainers, and said, “I have great trust in both of you. I’m thinking of sending you to the prefectural yamen to work as spies for me. If my plan works, I’ll give you my rewards for you to enjoy.”

The two of them were delighted and promised to do his bidding. Commander Dai ordered that many beautiful clothes and musical instruments be prepared. Messengers from the county and the garrison, two from each, escorted the entertainers to Sai’er’s residence. How did the young singers and dancers look?

The dancers’ sleeves on fragrant grass herald the spring;

The singers’ sweet voices and winsome looks have no equal.

Where swords once flourished, no one is left;

Those wine pourers of old are nowhere to be seen.

Delighted on seeing how fetching they were and how well decked-out, Sai’er accepted them and kept them in the yamen, where they entertained, played musical instruments, sang, and danced every day.

Sai’er and Zhengyin had been living apart for more than half a year now. When winter was about to give way to spring, Zhengyin bought Sai’er lavish gifts for the lunar new year. He filled about twenty wagons with exotic food items, Sichuan brocade, silk, gold, silver, and precious jewels and put Meng Qing in charge of the procession transporting the goods to Sai’er’s yamen. (MC: By this time, Zhengyin has already lost his place in Sai’er’s heart. Even with such lavish gifts, can he bring her back to him?) His appointment of Meng Qing was a matter of coincidence and of his own fate. Two months earlier, the priest had tried to seduce a woman. The woman rejected his advances and hanged herself. Meng Qing had commented at the time, “Your fortune was made by Madam Tang. You mustn’t betray her. If by any chance she gets wind of this, she’ll surely be resentful.” His vehement remonstration earned him a severe beating that left him more dead than alive. Unbeknownst to Zhengyin, Meng Qing seethed inwardly with hatred.

When Meng Qing arrived at Sai’er’s yamen at the head of the procession, Sai’er was as delighted to see him as if he were a member of her own family and asked him to take a rest in the inner section of the yamen. On learning that Dong Tianran and Wang Xiaoyu were now happily married and awash in cash, Meng Qing thought, “I started out with the two of them, and now these lucky two are living it up here. What can I do to join them in their good life?” Then he thought, “Why don’t I tell her about Zhengyin’s doings in the county? If she likes me, she may keep me here.”

After adjourning her court session and returning to her residential quarters in the evening, Sai’er summoned Meng Qing and asked him about Zhengyin. Meng Qing kept silent. Growing apprehensive, Sai’er pressed him for an answer, (MC: Does she still care?) but the harder she pressed, the more adamantly he refused to answer. When he could not ward her off any longer, he chose to burst into tears. Sai’er said, “Don’t cry! You must have been ill treated somehow. Tell me the truth, and I’ll keep you here.”

“I’m going to die anyway, whether I tell you or not,” said he, deliberately exaggerating the dire consequences. (MC: Meng Qing is also a most crafty man.) “In the county, my master has households send two pretty women every night in rotation, to share his bed in the county yamen. The prettier ones are kept for a few days more than the others, and those he fancies less are dismissed after the first night. He also took a singing girl called Li Wenyun as his wife. He often beats people to death when he is badly drunk, and every day he demands a hundred taels of silver as an administrative tax from one neighborhood on a rotational basis. The local people are full of complaints but dare not do anything out of regard for you, madam. Two months ago, my master wanted the beautiful wife of a Student Jiang for his bed. The woman refused and was driven to hang herself. I said, ‘Consider how well Madam treated us! Now that you’ve done such a filthy thing only half a year after she left us, how will you be able to guard this place well? (MC: Malicious!) He hated me for saying that and strung me up and beat me to within an inch of my life. I was confined to bed for half a month.”

Rage seized Sai’er. Stomping a foot, she said, “That ungrateful beast! (MC: A loose woman is a jealous woman. Why doesn’t she ask herself about what she is doing with Xiao Shao?) I’ll kill that beast to vent my spleen!”

Dong Tianran and the women came to pacify her, saying, “Madam, calm down. Just let the master come back.” (MC: If he comes back, where is Xiao Shao to go?)

Sai’er said, “You have no idea. Once those who do great things together begin to bear grudges against each other, there’s no telling how many lives will be lost in the infighting. Now what can I do to make him come here?” She did not sleep a wink that night. (IC: Why didn’t she amuse herself with Xiao Shao?)

The next day, in her court session, she dismissed everyone but Registrar Zhou and told him about Zhengyin’s fornication and heartlessness, adding that she wanted to lead her troops on a mission to kill him. Registrar Zhou said in response, “Where does all this come from? You don’t know if it’s true or not. It may even be a ploy to drive a wedge between the two of you. You’ve only recently taken over such a large and important region. How can you so lightly rush into infighting when the public is not yet quite reassured. (MC: Registrar Zhou makes such a perfect show of being a loyal follower that she never questions his sincerity.) The best thing is for me to go with a confidante of yours to verify the facts. If we find the allegations to be true, you’ll still have enough time to act.”

“What you said makes perfect sense. So let me trouble you with the mission. If the allegations are true, kill that beast for me!”

Registrar Zhou spoke up again, “It would be better if I had a few companions. I may not be able to do the job if I go alone.”

Thereupon, Sai’er ordered Wang Xian and Dong Tianran to take about twenty men and go with the registrar. Handing a sword to Wang Xian, she said, “If the facts are established, chop off that beast’s head for me! Anyone who disobeys me will be punished by military law. (MC: Sai’er is merciless.) Giving Zheng Guan a document, she said, “Upon He Zhengyin’s death, you’ll be the acting county magistrate.” (MC: This seals Zhengyin’s fate.) The men took leave of Sai’er and set off for Laiyang County.

Suspecting Dong Tianran of being loyal to Priest He, Registrar Zhou purposefully said to him along the way: “Priest He has Madam’s full trust. If the allegations are false, we’ll all be off the hook. Heaven and earth be praised! But if they’re true, Madam will apply military law to us if we don’t act. What are we going to do?” (MC: Registrar Zhou is very clever.)

Dong Tianran said, “My master has a suspicious mind and a bad temper. In the future, if he gets word that you and I have been investigating him, he’ll surely hate us and find one pretext or another to lay murderous hands on us. (MC: Even Tianran is not on his side. Clearly, Priest He does not know how to deal with his subordinates. He is courting his own death.) If he’s guilty, we’d better act according to the law. We’ll be the safer for it and rid ourselves of a source of future trouble.”

Zheng Guan chimed in, voicing his support for the idea, for he was only too eager to finish the priest off so that he could take over the post of county magistrate. Relieved to know that they were on Sai’er’s side, Registrar Zhou continued, “Let’s check around first and establish the facts. If we need to act, I’ll stroke my beard as a signal.”

After entering the city, they heard nothing but curses against He Zhengyin from the populace. Dong Tianran said, “So the rumors are true.”

They went straight to the county yamen to see He Zhengyin. Sitting haughtily in his seat, Zhengyin did not even bother to rise and salute the visitors. Looking at Dong Tianran, he asked, “What gifts are you bringing me?”

“We left in a hurry,” said Dong Tianran, “so we didn’t bring any, but we’ll have some brought to you later.”

Directing his next question to Registrar Zhou, Zhengyin said, “What is the purpose of your visit?”

Feigning discretion, Registrar Zhou said in a subdued voice, “Someone from this county lodged a complaint against you with Madam, sir, saying that you blocked women of this county from marrying and that you collect too much funds and provisions from the populace. So Madam sent us here to inform you about this.”

On hearing these words, Zhengyin slapped the table in a burst of rage. “That cheap hussy!” he thundered. “It was all thanks to me that she now rules over such a large region and lives in such grand style! She must have taken on another lover. (MC: A good guess.) The audacity! What do men like you know? A lot of sense you have!”

Alarmed by the way things were going, Wang Xian moved closer to Registrar Zhou and then, taking a step toward Zhengyin, said, “Please don’t be angry. Let’s work out a good solution, so that we can report back to Madam.”

Zhengyin shot back, “So you can’t report to her if no good solution is to be found.”

At this point, Registrar Zhou gave his beard a stroke. Amid a roar from the other men, Wang Xian whipped out a knife and cut off He Zhengyin’s head. Head in hand, he announced, “Madam ordered us to kill only He Zhengyin and spare everyone else.” Having said that, he showed everyone Sai’er’s letter appointing the acting county magistrate. (MC: Zheng Guan’s term of office begins.)

All the married and unmarried women forcibly detained by Zhengyin were now released from the yamen, and their families were notified to go to the yamen to claim them. The rotating tax was also abolished. (MC: To their credit, they also do something good.) All the residents of the town rejoiced. The men helped themselves to the abundant stock of gold and silver in the treasury and filled several carts with more, as well as bolts of silk to offer to the prefectural yamen. Registrar Zhou and his companions reported to Sai’er and went their separate ways. Of this, no more.

In the meantime, Imperial Inspector Jin of Shandong addressed a memorial to the imperial court, informing the emperor of the fall of Qingzhou and the murder of Prefect Wen. In view of the gravity of this regional situation, the secretary of the Ministry of War immediately presented the file to the emperor. Right away, the imperial court appointed Commander in Chief Fu Qi to be vice marshal and Li Xiao and Lai Daoming, commanders of the mobile cavalry, to be vanguards, to lead ten thousand troops of the capital garrison on a punitive expedition. Their mission was to assist Yang Rudai, inspector-cum-governor of Shandong, in wiping out the rebels by a set deadline. They had funds, provisions, and troops from not only Shandong but also Henan and Shanxi at their disposal. When Commander in Chief Fu led his men to the governor’s yamen and told Governor Yang and his subordinates about the imperial court’s urgent order to arrest Tang Sai’er, the governor said, “With her sorcery and skills in communicating with spiritual beings, Tang Sai’er won’t be subdued easily. Recently, Registrar Zhou and Magistrate Xu of Tengxian County and Commander Dai of Linhai feigned surrender. If we attack Laiyang County, and Commander Dai and Magistrate Xu attack Qingzhou from behind, her troops will be stretched too thin to cope with attacks from two opposite directions, and victory will be ours.”

“Brilliant!” said Commander Fu, who then put Li Xiao the vanguard in charge of five thousand men for the attack on Laiyang County. Commanders Du Zong and Wu Xiu and troop leaders Gao Xiong, Zhao Gui, Zhao Tianhan, Cui Qiu, Mi Xuan, and Guo Jin were put in charge of twenty thousand men redeployed from elsewhere. They pitched camp at a spot twenty li from Laiyang County in anticipation of the battle the following day.

On learning the news, Zheng Guan ordered the city gate closed and reported to the prefectural yamen before the night was out. As soon as she received the report, Sai’er assembled all the officers and announced, “Commander in Chief Fu is leading a mighty army to wipe us out. I’ll lead my troops myself to put them to flight.” She ordered Wang Xian and Dong Tianran to guard Qingzhou, and Ma Xiaoliang and Dai Deru to lead ten thousand men each, to station them no farther than thirty li from Teng County and the Linhai Garrison and stay on guard against sneak attacks. The troops of Teng County and Linhai were also not to be let through. (MC: Quite the military strategist, she would be difficult to defeat if she had stayed clear of wine and debauchery.)

Registrar Zhou said to himself with an inward groan, “What a holy terror this woman is!”

Next, Sai’er put Fang Da in charge of five thousand men and ordered them to set out forthwith. She herself then led twenty thousand men to Laiyang County. When they were about ten li from their destination, they pitched five camps—one in the front, one in the back, one on the left, one on the right, and one in the middle—which also served as the base for two mobile contingents. Abatis, caltrops, and alarm bells were installed all around the campground, and the gate was closed. After a meal was cooked and eaten, the men took a rest. They were ordered not to react rashly even if cavalrymen were trying to force their way in.

Vanguard Li, leading five thousand men, raised battle cries for what seemed like half a day without getting any response from Sai’er’s camp. Upon his report, Commander in Chief Fu and Governor Yang, followed by a group of officers, went to the front line and climbed up scaling ladders for a look. What met their eyes were orderly battle arrays of valiant-looking soldiers and commanders, brightly colored flags, glinting lances and halberds, and a dashing woman general under an official parasol flanked by two handsome, young generals, one on each side. They were Xiao Shao and Chen Yin’er, each holding a small seven-star black flag. There were also two pretty young women in armor. (MC: What a goodly sight!) One was Xiao Xixi, carrying a sword, and the other was Wang Jiaolian, holding a bag of arrows. In front of the camp stood the seven-star black flag of the Lord on High, fluttering in the wind. The commander in chief was agape with astonishment. Then he went down the ladder and ordered that Gao Xiong, Zhao Gui, Zhao Tianhan, and Cui Qiu hack their way in together and see what Sai’er would do. As the poem goes,

Where the swords gleamed, thick frost was seen;

In triumph, they returned haughtily from battle.

How laughable such sorcerer-rebels old and new!

They all cherish impossible dreams.

Sai’er opened the gate and ordered Fang Da to lead his men out and take on the enemy. After the second round of combat, Sai’er unhurriedly began to chant her incantations. As the two small black flags were waved, a column of black vapor rolled out of the camp and engulfed Vanguard Li’s men and horses in darkness. Unable to see even his comrades in arms, Li Xiao was overcome by panic. Fang Da gave him a frontal blow with his halberd and knocked him off his horse, with brain matter flowing. Gao Xiang and Zhao Tianhan were both captured. Alarmed by the failure of the vanguards, Commander Fu led the defeated troops in retreat and returned to his tent in dejection.

When Fang Da marched Gao Xiong and Zhao Tianhan into the camp to see Sai’er, the latter said, “Send them to the county jailhouse. They can be taken care of on our return.” Then she continued to Fang Da, “Although we’ve won the day, their great numbers haven’t been reduced by much. They’ll be back for another battle tomorrow. A better course of action for us is to march to their camp while they’re still trying to recover their breath and wits. We’ll surely score a total victory.” (MC: A preemptive attack, like the one they launched against Laiyang County.)

She ordered Fang Da to guard the campground and Kang Zhao to be the vanguard while she herself led ten thousand men in a sneak attack against Commander Fu’s camp. Raising a mighty shout, they slashed their way in. Commander Fu had been on guard against a surprise attack by Sai’er at night, not one in broad daylight right after her victory. The terrified soldiers lost all fighting spirit. Commander Fu and Governor Yang mounted their horses and fled for their lives. Of their twenty-five thousand men, about one to two thousand died and the rest all surrendered. Along with more than a thousand fine horses, Sai’er’s troops gained liberal amounts of money, food, provisions, and weapons, all of which they transported back to Qingzhou.

Those officers who survived followed Commander Fu to Governor Yang’s yamen for consultations on another memorial to the emperor, to request reinforcements, but Governor Yang said, “The imperial court will surely hold us responsible for the loss of thirty or forty thousand men, including many officers. As far as I know, Magistrate Xu of Tengxian County is a capable man and a man of integrity, loyalty, and honor. He feigned surrender with Registrar Zhou and Commander Dai, swallowing the humiliation of collaboration, in order to prevent this region from plunging into chaos. As we speak, Registrar Zhou is being held captive by the rebels and therefore can’t come out, but Xu and Dai are still at their own yamen. I suggest that they be brought here secretly. They’ll surely come up with a good plan for defeating the enemy.”

Losing no time, Commander Fu invited Magistrate Xu and Commander Dai over, to get their counsel on a plan for defeating Sai’er. Magistrate Xu leaned in close to Commander Fu and Governor Yang and told them about his plan in a low voice, adding, “We’ll thus be able to crush the enemy within ten days.”

Commander Fu said, “If so, I’ll surely ask the imperial court for a promotion and a reward for you.”

After taking leave of the commander in chief and returning to his county yamen, Magistrate Xu prepared gifts, together with Commander Dai, and each sent a trusted follower to take the gifts to Sai’er, to congratulate her on her victory and, while on the mission, to inform Registrar Zhou about their plan.

In fact, Registrar Zhou had already worked out a plan of his own. Noticing that Xiao Shao enjoyed Sai’er’s special favor and what a sensible and clever young man he was, the registrar had been going out of his way to befriend him, win his trust, and shower flattering attentions on him. (MC: Crafty machinations for a purpose.)

Feeling unworthy of the attentions, Xiao Shao said, “I used to be a commoner under your jurisdiction, sir. I don’t deserve such special treatment.”

“But how could I dare not show proper respect to someone so dear to Madam’s heart?”

“All my family members were killed. I’m just hanging on to a life of shame. Dear to her heart indeed!”

“That’s no way to talk,” said Registrar Zhou. “Your sisters are still around you, and that’s quite exceptional.”

“My older sister married a bandit. I may be sharing a quilt with you-know-who, but it’s no different from sleeping with a tigress. What kind of mood can that put me in? (MC: Xiao Shao has pride in him, not the kind that falls prey to lust.) And my younger sister is but a maidservant. To whom can I pour out the woes of my whole family?”

Struck by these words, Registrar Zhou persisted, “In that case, why don’t you wait for an opportunity to break with her and cross over to the side of justice? The imperial court will surely reward you. Otherwise, when she’s brought down, jade and common stone will be destroyed together, as they say. Since you share her pillow, you’ll have the hardest time trying to defend yourself. And all the wrongs you suffered will go unavenged.”

“I know what’s right and what’s wrong. It’s indeed as you say. It’s just that I have no idea how to get myself out of this situation.”

“In your position as an insider, you need only do such and such. I’ll take care of actions on the outside.” With that, he confided the plan laid out by Xu and Dai to Xiao Shao.

Overjoyed, Xiao Shao said, “I’ll let my younger sister in on this, so that she can join the action.” (IC: Meticulous.)

After they thrashed out their plan, they set the date for the Mid-Autumn Festival [the fifteenth day of the eighth lunar month]. The signal for action was to be the hoisting of a lantern on a tall post after midnight. Registrar Zhou duly notified Magistrate Xu and Commander Dai of this new development. This happened on the twelfth day of the eighth lunar month.

On the thirteenth day of the month, Magistrate Xu and Commander Dai put capable officers in charge of thirty to forty men each and spread them around the prefectural yamen for an ambush. Upon the firing of a cannon, they were to act by assisting Registrar Zhou in capturing the rebels. Magistrate Xu also secretly ordered his son Xu De to contact Registrar Zhou. Everyone involved having been notified that the gate was to be stormed at the cannon shot on the night of the fifteenth, we need not dwell on this anymore. In the meantime, Xiao Shao and his younger sister went to inform Wang Jiaolian and Chen Ying’er of the plan. Those two, being Commander Dai’s spies in the first place, naturally kept their eyes and ears open.

On the fifteenth night of the month, Sai’er set out a banquet in celebration of the festival. While everyone was viewing the moon and drinking, Wang Jiaolian came and said to Sai’er, “On such a rare occasion when the moon is so glorious and you, madam, have just routed Commander Fu’s troops and seized their funds, provisions, and soldiers, we womenfolk would like to offer our congratulations to you since we have no other means of showing our gratitude to you for your favors.”

Beating time with her hand-held hardwood clappers, Wang Jiaolian began to sing a song:

Tigers cross the three rivers with the speed of the wind;

Dragons fight for the four seas and the vast sky.

The swords gleam in the light amid falling stars;

The hidden foxes and rabbits prove their worth.

The song so pleased Sai’er that she drank three large cups of wine in a row. All the other women present at the table offered toasts, with Wang Jiaolian singing for them. Everyone involved in the plot was intent on getting Sai’er drunk so that they could spring into action. When it was Chen Ying’er’s turn, Sai’er said, “I’ve had too much to drink. But in appreciation of your goodwill, I’ll accept your toasts, but only one cup for each toast.”

After she downed about twenty more cups, the wine began to take its toll. As the songs and dances resumed, the women continued to take turns offering her toasts. When she slumped in her seat, stinking drunk, Xiao Shao said, “Madam is drunk. Let’s help her to her room.” With Xiao Shao holding Sai’er, the others all joined in and helped carry her to her bed. Then Xiao Shao dismissed the others, took off Sai’er’s clothes, tucked her in, and bolted the door. The others also went to their own rooms. Only those involved in the plot stayed awake to wait for word about Sai’er. Afraid that Sai’er might be faking drunkenness, Xiao Shao trimmed the lamp until it shone brightly, got into bed, held Sai’er in his arms, mounted her, and started to sport with her as best he knew how. (MC: A meticulous man but one with a heart of flint.) After he had cavorted with the unsuspecting Sai’er for a considerable while, Xiao Shao thought that everyone else outside must have gone to sleep. “If I don’t act now, when will I have another chance?” So thinking, he rose, hurriedly threw some clothes over his shoulders, drew his sword from the head of the bed, quietly turned back the quilt, and, with all the force he could muster, swung the sword down on her neck and cut off her head, along with part of her shoulder. In her drunken stupor, Sai’er lay there motionless.

Quickly, Xiao Shao left the room and whispered to his sister, Wang Jiaolian, and Chen Ying’er, “I’ve killed Sai’er.”

“Don’t wake Dong Tianran and the other one,” said Wang Jiaolian. “Let’s go quietly and finish them off.”

“Good idea!” Chen Ying’er agreed.

Holding blades, they knocked at Dong Tianran’s door and shouted, “Madam isn’t feeling well. Get up, quick!”

On hearing this, Dong Tianran, still drowsy with sleep, hurriedly threw some clothes over himself and went to answer the door. Caught completely off guard, he was cut down by a single plunge of Chen Ying’er’s blade and collapsed by the door. While he was struggling for life, another swing of the blade finished him off. Wang Xiaoyu was also drunk, as if dead to the world. After making short work of him as well, everyone said, “All right! Mission accomplished! But how do we make it out of here?”

“Stay calm!” said Xiao Shao. “We have a signal to give.” So saying, he lit a lantern and hoisted it up a tall lamppost.

Before long, Registrar Zhou, ten cooks, and several stout-hearted men whom he had taken under his wing, knocked at the gate of the yamen and charged inside. To Registrar Zhou, Xiao Shao said, “Sai’er, Dong Tianran, and Wang Xiaoyu are all dead. All the other people in the yamen are Sai’er’s victims. Please do right by them, sir.” (MC: Xiao Shao has the right idea.)

“Of course,” said Registrar Zhou. “Feel free to help yourself to what’s in the treasury. What’s left of the huge piles of valuables will be sealed and confiscated.” (MC: Registrar Zhou has the right plans.)

Carrying the three heads, Registrar Zhou opened the gate of the prefectural yamen, along with Xiao Shao, and fired one cannon shot. In a trice, about seventy to eighty soldiers and police officers went to Registrar Zhou and said, “We’ve been dispatched by the county and the garrison to help catch the bandits.”

Registrar Zhou said, “The bandits have all been taken. Their heads are right here. Now follow me.” With that, he went to the east gate, fired three cannon shots, and opened the city gate, admitting Magistrate Xu and Commander Dai, each leading five hundred men. Registrar Zhou announced to them, “Spare the city residents! Sai’er is dead, but there are still surviving members of the rebellion.” So the men fanned out to get them all.

On hearing the cannon shot, Wang Xian and Fang Da got out of bed, wondering what could have happened. While they were at a loss as to what to do, Registrar Zhou and his men stormed into Fang Da’s house. Before Fang Da had time to ask what was happening, he was brought down by a lance from the side and beheaded. Commander Dai seized Ma Xiaoliang and Dai Deru. Magistrate Xu killed Kang Zhao, Wang Xian, and twelve other men in a fierce fight. Shen Yin had died from a contagious disease two months earlier and thus escaped a more ignominious end.

Afraid that things might get out of control, Registrar Zhou quickly ordered his troops, “Kill only those with official titles. Don’t touch the rank and file and innocent civilians!” He also put up notices to calm the public. (MC: So as to reestablish post-victory order.)

Magistrate Xu announced to the assembled troops, “Laiyang County is about forty or fifty li from here, so news may not have reached there yet. Since speed is what matters most in warfare, Commander Dai and I will take that county before the night is out. Registrar Zhou will stay behind to take charge of the prefectural seat.”

Leading five thousand men, Xu and Dai marched at top speed to Laiyang County, claiming, on reaching the city gate, that they had been deployed by the prefectural yamen to take the neighboring county. (MC: Repeating Sai’er’s trick when she attacked Qingzhou.) The guards on the city wall let them in. Zheng Guan was sitting in court when Magistrate Xu and his men stormed in and killed him. In terror, Zhang Tianlu, Zhu Hong, and the others surrendered and were taken to the prefectural jailhouse to await judgment.

After reassuring the public, Magistrate Xu returned to the prefectural yamen and, together with Registrar Zhou and Xiao Zhao, went to see Commander Fu and Governor Yang, carrying the heads of Sai’er and the others. After they gave an account of everything that had led to Sai’er’s death, Commander in Chief Fu said, “This is all thanks to the master moves of you gentlemen.” He was profuse in his praise. (MC: The commander in chief and the governor succeeded only because they employed the right people.) He then drew up a memorial to the emperor announcing the victory while having preparations made for his return journey to the capital.

The imperial court promoted Registrar Zhou to prefect, Commander Dai to regional military commissioner, Xiao Shao and Chen Ying’er to inspectors (MC: Two handsome inspectors.), and Magistrate Xu to vice commissioner of military defense. They were all rewarded with lavish gifts commensurate with their respective ranks. Wang Jiaolian and Xiao Xixi were betrothed advantageously. Those who tried to surrender after Sai’er’s defeat were not allowed to do so and were convicted of crimes. This can serve as a lesson to all those who engage in sorcery. There is a poem in testimony:

The air of battle engulfed the four seas;

The she-wolf ravaged Shandong for no good reason.

One night’s playing of the xiao flute dispelled all the vapor;

A waning moon and wilted blooms sent the wind away.